Screw it all anyways. Damn life wants me to be happy despite my wishes

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Work was weird today. I was an hour late because my only belt for my pants broke. I had to wait until a store opened and I called the bosses to tell them. I literally had to walk inside the store holding up my pants. And then payed 45 friggin bucks for a lousy, plain looking belt.

I’m feeling good right now, I’m fed and content but work was difficult today.
Oh, I had plenty of good things happen to me but I kept thinking of my home situation and it depressed me. I don’t like going home anymore, the neighbors laugh at me and scare me. I win occasionally but probably never again. My normie neighbors are “made” men (watch Goodfellas). I can’t fuc with them but they can fuc with me. The atmosphere in my apartment is dangerous or crazy.

I hear perfectly timed laughter and stuff. The tension in the air is thick, from every direction. It just sucks so much. I’m old and tired. my mind survived two and a half years of solid psychosis, four years of crack addiction and intense stress but now this present strain is killing me. ■■■■■■■■.

But right this minute I’m content. Sitting in my warm car, full and resting. And people at work were cool and friendly. So I should be miserable but too many good things happen to me dammit.

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Do you do this alot ? It helps.

Everytime my neighbours piss the goddamn shiit out of me, (moving furniture, footsteps, etc) I go for a drive.

I spend a good 45 mins driving everyday, best $5 I could spend, but it helps.

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Anything to get out.

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Have you tried shitting in a bag, lighting it on fire and putting on your neighbours porch ?

The old "hey, how’s the shiit?"

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Hang in there my friend. I’m glad your still mobile and able to get out.

I do well now that Dad is alive. I let him do his thing and I do my thing and we get by. It’s working well but I know when he goes it means government housing and much poverty the way things are going out here. STill. I enjoy what I have and that is important but I’m under no stress from dumb neighbors and their shite.

I’d suggest going for a walk in the park if possible. Keep up the exercise so start small…Don’t murder yourself but keep physically fit. It’s a means to an end as it’ll keep you going longer but it’ll take you away from your stressors.

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