I know this is conjecture, I am a psych major and I know that it is a brain disease, a neurochemical and structural problem, but I believed my paranoid psychosis felt like a fail safe, a red button. I felt like life was simple, I was being persecuted and it was me against the world, and this actually made me feel less anxious, it was like the answer to all of my problems…just being able to forget everything and focus on surviving was comforting to me. I also wanted people to kill me. It was like I had a death wish that my psychosis brought out in false perceptions. I felt like it made life easier and much simpler and relieved my anxiety…like going back to nature, survival of the fittest, that’s what it felt like.
My point is that my psychosis relieved some of my anxieties about my life and my future, and so I think it served as a sort of extreme defense mechanism.
Do you feel like this or have you every felt like this? That you actually want people to be trying to harm you and humiliate you?