I spend a lot of time thinking about the concept of monogomy. I guess I’d like to hear that there are healthy relationships out there and maybe we could all gather up our notes and inspire some hope for each other. I’m a lonely boy, hah, but I feel I’ve pondered enough about it that I might have something to add.
I’ve got a lot of friends, each one of them has their perspective on relationships. Some are possessive, some are wary to enter relationships but still get some play, some totally disdain women, some entertain relationships just to get some action, and then all of my college buddies except for me and one other are espoused in very strong relationships. Kind of missed out on that band wagon, but my kind of girls weren’t really occupying the hickish, kansas, college town that I attended.
The real disheartening thing is that a lot of us in our twenties here are still ■■■■■■ up from our first serious relationships and it makes it difficult to trust anyone. It’s a mess and it sucks.
From here I can only go into my personal experience. I met a girl I really like, and it’s been a mind-■■■■ and a half trying to resolve all my distrust issues and insecurities that I was left with when my first and only real relationship ended 5+ years ago. It’s like time doesn’t heal that wound, you have to get close to having the same situation before that damaged part of the self even resurfaces.
So many people are giving up on even seeking out healthy relationships entirely… which is sad because it’s a very beautiful and fulfilling concept to me. I know I was talking about polyamory a few months ago, but that idea has grown distasteful to me as I realize I am very much a single-minded person in regards to love. When I meet a girl who fits that slot… that’s the only one I want to be with. Entertaining any other just makes me miss that primary girl in my mind.
It’s a personal choice at that point, to just hold out. I don’t like supporting the world of casual sex. I don’t like supporting the minds who have seemed to sell out to it. I understand it to an extent. Individuals enjoy sex, they don’t trust anyone long term or are too unimpressed or unsatisfied to remain loyal… It’s when people start making really general statements about it though that bothers me. Statements that indicate every man/woman wants to cheat and sleep around and no-one should be trusted. The overall culture gets contorted to pull some folks away from having faith in the concept of monogomy. Some of us aren’t so vain in that regard to need all the sexual activity to be fulfilled and I think that there are a great many people out there who know that lifestyle goes nowhere… at least for a lot of people. So I’ll stand against all that as best I can in my personal life.
I’ve met some very misogynistic men. It’s surprising who they are. Even sensitive men who like to see women as accessories and don’t give them the full respect they deserve as human beings… and I have some theories as to why. They don’t understand them and they hate being rejected by them, so they just belittle the relevance of women entirely instead of facing the fact that they themselves need to learn to be less stubborn and dominant and self-righteous…
Unfortunately though, women can be pretty cruel all the same. Equal amounts of misunderstanding and lack of concern.
This statement applies to things beyond relationships… but the more emotional chaos one experiences the less sensitive that individual becomes to someone else who is in a state of emotional chaos… now that is very broad. The last thing I’m going to to is clear up what I mean by that.
First, I’ll say that the opposite can also be true. It takes someone who has experienced the pains any individual might be going through to really have empathy and share the burden and break the lonely struggling down just a bit.
Going back to relationships though, the concept that someone is heart-broken… you get over/away from heart-break and you most certainly don’t want to help an ex/partner unravel the mess of what all that is, because you’ve sorted it out for yourself to the point you just want to ignore the damage of your past and would rather not be reminded…
that’s going way out on a limb and I’m not really satisfied with all the uses of “you” and “your.”
Still these are the speculations I’m currently having. I don’t know how valid any of them are.