I’ve decided I’m not going to pursue a romantic relationship anymore. The same thing keeps happening, which is Im not getting out right rejected when I tell someone about my illness. Instead they promise that they won’t bail because of it and it won’t scare them away. I appreciate that more than anyone could understand, and I appreciate the effort to be empathetic. It always ends the same though. I get psychotic and shell up and isolate, and I get eccentric and its too off putting.
To be clear Im never a creep or intimidating. I just talk weird and some of my ideas can be seen as unusual. Im not mad anymore when it runs someone off, they couldn’t know what they were getting in to. I like that they tried, but Ive decided not to take peoples words on a promise of something they don’t understand.
Im going to have a very strict friends for a long time rule. That way they can get to know my cycles and see for themselves what Im like. I think most of my past attempted relationships would have worked out better if we understood each other better.
I upset someone the other day. They were pushing to date, I told them my new friendship rule, and they counter with “that’s fine as long as we are going towards a relationship.” I said that it would defeat the purpose and I can’t guarantee anything would happen. They didn’t like that answer, but I think it was the right decision. She kept pushing kind of aggressively and so I had to come up with another reason that I knew would put them off. I kind of feel guilty, but no means no am I right?
At any rate I feel at peace with my romantic life and a lot less pressure.