Relationship advise, for the 'Friendzoned'

8 years ago I was dumped by my girlfriend of 4 years, for being ‘Too Nice’. We have stayed friends, mostly because I am completely in love with her and hope she will one day reconsider.

A week ago she called me, in tears, after her current boyfriend, who she has only been dating for three months, called her a Barren C***, after she asked him to help with laundry when he got home from his job…as a McDonald’s Shift Manager… She was in tears, not because he had brought up her fertility issues like that, but because he got upset when she, in righteous anger, told him he was about as satisfying as a rabbit…which if you know anything about rabbits, they go at it vigorously for a few seconds, and finish up all in less than a minute…He got mad and walked out…

She wants ME to come up with a plan to apologize to him and mend his hurt feelings… My question is, Is this really something you should ask the guy who suffered a shattered heart after you dumped him? It’s hard enough for me to live my life with my diagnosis, without her added stress. Am I really being too nice by letting her vent her weekly frustrations to me over the phone? Or am I being a good friend?

Please be honest, it might hurt my feelings, but I can just bang my head into the wall for an hour and get over it.

Thanks, ‘The Friendzoned’

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That happened to me. Women get over it quickly and move on, men don’t. So just try to move on. She’s over you. You’re not over her.

explain to her that she ’ broke ’ your heart :heart: …and you find it a bit much dealing with her ’ second ’ relationship.
if it causes you stress…let it go.
now you can bang your head against the wall for an hour…lol :scream:

take care :alien:

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Yeah, that’s all the stuff I know already, and when I told her she broke my heart she looked at me like I had two heads…and asked how she did that…and when she did it. wow…that looks really bad when I put it down…if I were hearing this from someone else I would slap them and tell them to grow a pair…I need to find someone who can help me with this, if not help trying to form the right thing to say, then help me break off this entirely unhealthy relationship…also in the course of typing this response I have had to re write it seven times…because of the language…

Okay so far we’ve got ‘Get over it’ and a news article on how men suffer from these things longer…I appreciate the help though. My current GF won’t even talk about it with me because she says it is bad luck…

You’re completely in love with your ex, and have a current girlfriend?

Edit: just accept the fact that you’ll probably never get over her, but tell her you can’t do it anymore.

She’s not coming back. She’s moved on.

…its a little messed up I know, I have been actively trying to find someone who makes me feels like my ex doesn’t matter…I have come close twice, and with my Current GF shes always helping me and supports me, she has already come to my appointments with my shrink twice since we met last year and when I have bad days I can call her and she will be right there, in fifteen minutes. I have an amazing girlfriend, but I still cant stop thinking about my ex. My mother insists that I will never get over her and I might as well suck it up and move on…but that’s easier said than done. I dated my ex for FOUR years we were happy, I was freaking PROM KING because I was dating her., then she met some a**hole who showed up for his little brothers graduation and, ten minutes after she met him was telling me it wouldn’t work out…

Again that really makes me look pathetic…I need to get my priorities straight…anyway when I think about her my chest hurts and my symptoms get worse.

I just edited my post to say this ! It’s not coincidence, it’s good advice.

How to do it? Maybe ask her to marry you. She’ll reject you, and then maybe you can move on.

nice and blunt. And that’s the part that hurts. I was going to propose when we graduated…but she met A**Hat McGee at the beginning of the ceremony and dumped…in front of EVERYONE…which could be why it hurts so much… I was completely humiliated. Thank god I never actually asked her…I would have killed myself, or at least tried.

I think you are right though, I have to wash my hands of her. I will prolly be getting a call from her tonight… I’ll just tell her to solve it herself.

Meanwhile I’m gonna call Yuki and sit down to movie, Mt. Dew and a couple cans of Pringles!..oh yes Yuki is my GF, awesome person, and completely accepting my issues.

EDIT: she is not Japanese, her mother just liked the name.

You did say to be honest… but it sounds like you’re going to do the right thing tonight, i.e. letting her sort out her own stuff.

To me it sounds like she’s just using you for emotional support. That’s fine if you’re comfortable with just being her friend. If it has been 8 years and she hasn’t wanted to get back together with you, it’s clear she has no interest in you romantically.

I’d suggest moving on to another woman. Your energy and attention would be better spent in a relationship that you’re getting something back from.

I am usually a very easy going guy, and it takes a lot to hurt me or make me mad, but my ex just pushes the wrong buttons in the right way. I really do thank you for what you posted, the only response to this question I got on my FB was from my little brother who sent a 0.o emoticon

Get out of that mess, now. She’s just using you to fulfill her emotional needs while giving nothing in return. You aren’t going to be able to move on until you ditch her. Besides, this is a very, very, wrong thing to do to Yuki. How would you feel if she did this to you?

Good bye to bad trash.

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that’s good advise. but really, if Yuki was being an emotional support to someone I would probably support her in that. And my ex doesn’t exactly give nothing in return, she has helped me on several occasions, like when she gifted me $3,000 to buy a truck after my last one was totaled after being stolen. And just a few weeks ago she drove 400 miles to come and sit with me after my 17 year old lab pit mix was hit by a car and died in my arms. She doesn’t see me as a person she could be with, but she is still a good friend.

Women do this ■■■■ often where they break up with a guy and even expect him to still let her live with him until they can find a new place and act like he’s being unreasonable when he says no. I’m actually describing a situation my friend was actually in one time with an ex-girlfriend but he stood his ground and told her to get out because he couldn’t stand her anymore anyway. I’m not exaggerating at all from spite or anything.

Women typically cling to guys who treat them badly because psychologically women who are interested in men go for the ones who can be dominate and them submissive for the guy. Some guys are able to do it well where they’re assertive and treat the woman right but most guys just are way too aggressive and treat them badly and the fact the man is dominating with his personality is why they keep coming back to him even if he beats her.

I’ve studied human beings from afar over the years and read psychological analyses of relationships and honestly for a man to be successful with a woman he has to make her feel adored and that he is in charge and that he’ll give up the whole world for her where he can talk about being attracted to other women but the woman feels secure that he’ll never give her up for them. Men on the other hand feel the need to be respected utmost by the woman and it’s probably mostly the fact most people are unwilling to work towards psychologically understanding the other gender that relationships often fall apart because of arguing and such.

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Please don’t generalize women. We’re not all the same.

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You have to choose. Who do you love more? Her or your current girlfriend. It sounds to me like there’s no way you’re going to move on until you give her up. If that’s what you want. Do what’s best for you. If you can handle ‘unrequited love with no hope of reciprocation’ and that’s what makes you happy, do that. If you need ‘I love you in the same way you love me’ do that. The internet if full of ‘friendzoned’ guys who are doing their utmost to earn their lady love’s affection (I think someone even bought the girl a car) to no avail.

There is an old clique, ‘you can’t have your cake and eat it too’ that I would think about on this one.

actually I already terminated the relation and am quite happy in my new one, funny part though? I just inherited a small farm and a sizable chunk of money from my biological father, now suddenly I’m attractive again. Aparently all you need to get the love of your life to notice you is get money. I have yet to return her phone calls or FB friend requests (I got anew FB because all her friends were trolling me for not being supportive of her anymore. Amazing how she steps all over me, but when I refuse to be a door mat anymore I"M the bad guy)

My new girlfriend is going to be moving in with me, and my family, who met her for the first time this week, love her. even my mom who told me years ago no woman was good enough for me xp. She changed her tune pretty quick and when she found out my lovely Yuki is smart, kind, and can make even my stepdad smile. And he’s one of the crankiest people I know, I mean he didn’t even smile when my little sister’s first word was Dada. He’s not really cranky he’s just one of those men who thinks showing emotion is weakness, he’s not a bad guy at all, I mean he raised me and told my biological father who tried tog et into my life when I was 15, that if he ever caught the greedy ■■■■■■■ any where near ‘His son’ again he’d break his arms and throw him in a river. I am proud to call the man my father. As for my biological father, he tried to make amends with me and my mother after finding out he had some kind of cancer. I will forgive the man, if only because its wrong not to, but I wont forget that he ditched my mom after finding out she was pregnant. For now I’m going to get my new farm ready for my goats and dogs.

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cough golddigger cough
:stuck_out_tongue:
My ex-wife was pretty much the same way. She was conveniently only available if I was giving her support money and it wasn’t too inconvenient for her to deal with me. What a surprise her solution to me bitching about her never being around to talk to me anymore on Skype (due to geographical differences at the time) was to just sign out of it until I emailed her that I was “done being an ■■■■■■■” which I wasn’t paying her support money any longer. That’s when I blocked her on everything and hope I never have the misfortune to deal with her again.

I hate people like that.