Nervous about my ex

I want to see her and she said it would be cool to hang out, but i don’t think i can like her as just a freind. She broke up with me in way that i can’t stop thinking about. She said she didn’t think that she was good for me anymore because she’s so busy with school. Which is just wrong to be honest. I cared more for my own life than ever when we were together. I can accept that i might have a shity life and slowley let myself deteriorate mentally till i just end it some day, knowing I’ll have to fake a smile until then and mabey only a couple of people will ever see it coming mabey. But i couldn’t accept that knowing i might have a future with her. If i showed any sighns of being sadder with her it was because for once in my life i was trying.

I don’t know how to react to it still. Part of me wants to believe she still cares for me, and wants to comfort her and make it clear that she was the best thing that ever happend to me and that it can still work. But the other part of me believes she only broke up with me that way to try to be polite, to make it seem like she was thinking of me even though it’s because she couldn’t handle it, and i should just get over it already and accept the relationship we have.

Im not sure what to do. I want to be with her still, but i don’t want to make her uncomfortable and i don’t want to make her to get together with me just because she feels bad for me and not because she wants to.

*You needed her far more than she needed you,
and nothing healthy will come from you still wanting more than she is wanting to give.

Remain friendly with her,
but not as friends,
because it will only end in hurt feelings, and hopefully no regrets.

That’s probably true. I probably do care more for her, but no duh. She amazing and kind and stable, im just an awkward, boring, sz, short, hermit. Its just its hard to imagine her saying something just to be polite like that. I’ve known her for 6 years and she’s always been blunt ant to the point. I feel if she just didn’t want to be with me she would have just said it, and i would have gotten over it faster. I’m ok with being just freinds with her. Just not unless i know what where we stand. If the relationship can be fixed I’ll do what i can. If i know it can’t, at least i can move on.

I entirely agree, ive been in relationships like that since my diagnosis (four of them) and they never end well, even if we were friends before my needy attitude ruined it.

It’s tough, but you should try to find a way to move on.

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This would be a good time to stop being so hard on yourself for the things that aren’t your fault, and spend more energy on being the best you are able to be.
This way, even if your ex has moved on, you can still be able to find another, and don’t think you can’t either, because you can.
It’s not about what you aren’t that counts as much as it is what you are,
and, then,
how you treat a woman is what determines if she keeps you or not.