Kind of a long post about jail, I have to say it to someone.
I’m starting to think the months in solitary hurt me worse than I think. I try not to acknowledge it because I don’t want to give it any power but when I was inside and knew I wasn’t going to get out, I had the worst hallucinations telling me horrible things and i remember thinking, hell is real, I’m in it. I never thought about what would happen after getting out because I figured I had lost my mind forever. And the trial date kept changing whenever they handed me papers, delayed by a month two or three times. I was in psychosis the full 5 months, the situation I was in triggers it worse than any other possible trigger.
I’ve been out of that cell for 3 years but I don’t feel solid. I don’t know how to move on and the big difference between before going to jail and after is it feels like there’s no ground under my feet. I can’t just shake it off. I don’t talk about it much. This is definitely the worst “solution” to keeping your schizophrenic loved one “safe.” I should have been in a hospital, not a tiny cell designed to punish violent sane offenders. They take away all your dignity and treat you like trash, how are you not supposed to view yourself that way in your weak moments years later?
Hey, @agent101g. I’m really sorry you were treated that way. You deserved better- like you said, a hospital not a cell. I think that PTSD would indeed be possible given the circumstances.
I can somewhat relate. As a youth I was in solitary confinement in Juvenile hall because I went in for a violent crime so they kept me out of the general populace. It was an old facility. The room was a white concrete room with a concrete slab where I had a thin mattress on top of that slab. There was nothing to do. It was hellish. It was before the illness thankfully.
I started reading books. I read a book nearly everyday. Once I’d been in for awhile they let me go to church services. It was only a total of 28 days there but man it was a horrible experience. I would advise you not to ruminate on the past. Maybe try thinking about the positive things in life instead.
I don’t give much thought to my experience with solitary confinement but just thinking about it right now. I feel a lot more comfort realizing that I live in a decent place. I have all the basic necessities and a few luxuries. Things are not so bad. Not the life I would have wanted, but definitely not the worst situation I’ve been in.
I remember one time I really had to use the bathroom. We had to press a button and wait for the guards to come in. When I did nobody came. It must have been a couple hours. I ended up peeing in the corner. They still did not come. I think they do things to try to break you like that. I’m not sure if it is because they were busy or were just being jerks. Anyway that was my worst experience there. I’m thankful to have a bathroom I can go to any time.
I don’t know if it’s messing with me still or not. It was just the worst thing that happened to me and it really shook me. The reason it was so bad was because of how psychotic I was when I was there, they weren’t giving me all my meds. I had been placed in hospitals but talked my way out of it at trial, so I guess my mom thought it was the only option. I don’t think she counted on them isolating me though.
I’m lucky I’ve gotten so much better with meds and won’t end up in that situation again. If they had given me the right meds I could have called someone for bail. At the end of the isolation they sent me to a hospital where I was put back on the meds I was prescribed before going in. I recovered enough sanity to stand trial and then they sent me back to the jail and the charges were dropped.
I spent a few days in solitary after I got back from the hospital, where I was socializing with like twenty people, and it was rough but doable. I was on my meds again so I was sane enough to ask for National Geographic, which was a huge awesome thing since I had gone so long without any reading material.
I did 8 months in solitary this was a long time ago I got locked up in the county and got in a fight after two weeks in general population so they put me in the hole (solitary) and they wouldn’t let me go back to gp did my whole bid in solitary
4 hours out the cell 1 hour of yard time it’s interesting you mentioned pstd from solitary got me thinking like idk but anyway I got used to it kinda liked not having to share cell