Psychosis!

Continuing the discussion from Did anyone with a schizophrenia spectrum disorder not expereince a lot of trauma in childhood?:

Just curious, anyone else’s psychosis or theories revolve around traumas you’ve experienced?

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My psychosis and delusions stem from ideas and feelings ive had as long as i can remember. I did not have a traumatic upbringing so i blame my issues with psychosis as more genetically ingrained in myself rather than a factor of trauma. My wife and i have discussed in depth the possibility of maybe repressed memories i may have of some sort or many childhood traumatic events because my symptoms most times seems to be textbook traits of some sort of abuse. I guess i can never really know for sure but if i did have some traumatic experience when young i do not want to know or remember it nor do i think it would help resolve any current issues i might have.

Im 95% percent sure its all just genetic for me and i try not to obsess over possibly delusional ideas of repressed trauma, though i sometimes feel like i would like to have a tangible reason for why i suffer from the insessant bombardment of psychosis to make me feel better, but probably mostly to make me feel like im not just inherently flawed or defective.

I obsessed about this issue for quite awhile which added to my troubles so i try now to just let sleeping dogs lay, and not stir up possibly delusional ideas for me to obsess over which makes the psychosis so much worse. Now just try to live for today and focus on positive things and work towards recovery, tho its difficult a lot of the time wondering about such things that i can never really know for sure because i have an unstable grip of reality and memory lapses to begin with. Intrusive thoughts of Endless Possibilities and not being totally sure about anything drives me mad during restless nights. The uncertainty can be truly haunting.

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