Processing llama stuff. TW?

It was what it was, I don’t want to call it a cult, even though that’s what the G-men called us. I was democratically elected, not like I started out with those intentions.

Still have never felt the kind of connection I did back with that tribe. Sometimes I long for it. It was bigger than all of us.

15 of us living in the old remodeled barracks, electrical tape anarchy symbol on the walls. Just a bunch of Mohawk sporting NYC punks.

Drugs everywhere, every day was a new buffet.

What do you say to the man in ceremonial robes who feeds people hallucinogens? What do you do when he talks about the secrets of existence? What happens to a man when he has followers to a drug fueled new faith.

I believed I was chosen, others in their idledness tell me I’m special, that I was natural at “shepherding” as we called it.

My speeches echoing in suggestible minds.

I know it wasn’t healthy for anyone. Wasn’t a good place, but it felt so good.

I need to find a therapist who won’t be scared of handling my adventures.

I don’t know what to say other than that.

Rant over.



Have you seen The Umbrella Academy? I like reading your stories. This particular story made me think of Klaus, when he does drugs and gains a following and whatnot. He also has a special “ability”, but I won’t give it away if you haven’t seen the show.

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I was in an independent fundamentalist church for a long time. It really messed me up.

But, I do miss the family environment I needed so badly. I just wish I could have it with a more stable and rational group

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Hey, Llama, I hope I didn’t offend with my previous post. :confused:

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Not at all! I’ll have to check it out. Lol.

We’re cool!

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I read a snippet of the character, oh my he sounds like a lot, lol.

They stole my story. I don’t know if I could watch the show, I’d start thinking I had super powers again, lol.

I may be able to relate too much.

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I know what you mean. :grinning_face_with_smiling_eyes: I can’t watch certain shows/movies, cause they’re triggering.

I somehow was able to watch the Netflix show Evil, when it first came out… I somehow watched it!! But goodness, it’s very triggering. Very good show, but maybe not good for people like us. :sweat_smile:

The show has a lady psychologist who helps determine if someone is actually possessed by a demon OR if they are actually mentally ill. They even mention schizoaffective, at one point!! I’ve never watched a show that even acknowledged that that’s a condition. :open_mouth:

Anyway, maybe don’t watch The Umbrella Academy, if it will be triggering.:mouse: (hug)

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Oh I whole heartedly have tv triggers.

Fiancée has taken it upon herself to not allow me things she think will trigger me. Tv, movies, music, all the fun stuff. Lol. Those shows wouldn’t pass with her. I’d have to watch them in secret. :shushing_face: :stuck_out_tongue_winking_eye:

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Hmmm sounds worrying @Ooorgle.

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Haha! :grinning_face_with_smiling_eyes:

My hubby is the same way. During my somewhat recent mixed episode with some psychosis, I found a specific song about voices… And I played it on repeat, by myself, and it was fuelling the fire!!

I later showed the song to Hubby and he said not to listen to it anymore, cause it’ll make things worse. Damnit. :sweat_smile:

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Oh no, purely innocent I assure you, she just doesn’t want me doing myself a mental harm.


Oh fueling myself with song was always bad, I had episodes of thinking the song was written for me, the artist knew me. Singing along so full of energy that it was almost overwhelming, sobbing at the divinity of it all.

I love my meds, I haven’t done that is a long while thanks to them.

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Yes I was worried that you were going into psychosis…

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I used to do that, too!! OMG. Back before I was medicated/diagnosed, I thought a song by my favorite band was written for me. Not only that, I thought it was a secret message on how to take control of my life. I literally tried to live and do things according to what the secret message was.

I told my husband I wanted to get a tattoo that represented the song… I’m really glad I didn’t go through with that tattoo. :sweat_smile:

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Yup, you got it!

Good call on passing with the tattoo, they can be reminders and triggers in themselves.

Honestly though, I’ve learned with this illness that anything and everything you can possibly imagine can be a trigger, it just depends on how well we handle it.

I remember one I had that was just out of nowhere, in my mind I felt I wasted a paper towel, 1c if that. It somehow struck me just wrong, I broke down in the middle of the kitchen crying. I thought my wasteful actions would lead me to homelessness, that I was destined to be destitute.

It’s a wild ride! Lol.


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