Probably won't be able to be part of a theatre company - please help

I have been having the worst time. feeling competitive with the other writer, even though all he said was where do i get my ideas from? i get my ideas from my life and he gets his from his imagination. i’m so sure that the one is worse than the other.

i have been down to the point of thinking about what it would be like to kill myself although far from actually doing it. i have been a bitch to everyone around me in a way of just being so down myself and being moody. I have been stressing to the point where all i can do is lie there and try to sleep and fidget and sleep and hate myself.

i don’t think this is going to work. I don’t think i can co write for a devising theatre company for two months if i am going to be like this.

when i decided not to do it i had a huge amount of relief and cried, then drank and second guessed myself ever since then - wanting to do this work which will be 10 - 6 for 5 days, then one day a week till the end of the year… starting in 4 weeks. that doesn’t sound un do able hours…

God i haven’t had space in my head for anything else for weeks i think i’ve been having a sort of burnout since the audition couple of weeks…

going mental… think i could easily make myself ill and it’s not worth that even if i do have to give up

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Definitely take some you time and I think that’s all you really need. The rest will all fit into place. Also to put your mind at rest throughout history the best writers write about what they know. For example JRR Tolkien’s Lord of the rings was influenced by WW1 and WW2. The whole hobbit story in LOTR was his innocent village being brought into the conflict of the great wars and how much they where change by it all.

Thanks Dreamscape

i think this kind of positivity is great

I think i have either hit a massive mood swing or my anti depressant increase is working suddenly

feeling so much more positive

Another way of thinking about it is that if you are so different, there is space for both of you. If you both wrote from the same standpoint, there would be no advantage in having a co-writer. Instead of competing about the right “way” to write, let his imagination remind you of lived experience, and let your experience spark his imagination. That way you both benefit, and the whole crew does too. I t can be great working with very different people, if you just reign in your competitive streak a bit.

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feel like having a tattoo of your reply

that is so helpful

i think competitiveness has no place in devising theatre

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It has a place. You are a team competing with the cinema downtown, or the TV back home!


Take your time-you can do this.
Are they flexible with working hours?

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i think the writers can miss the odd session, i’m co writing…

will be extra hours probably including whole night’s out of the 7 a week lab time

Thats a lot on your plate! If you can pace yourself, and take care of yourself-you can do it. If not-dont be hard on yourself. That`s a tight schedule anyone would need help getting through!
Good luck~

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