New possibilities and extreme anxiety

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I have just been accepted into a devising theatre company, as a co writer. The devising bit means that the entire creative process with the script and ideas, does not rely solely on the writer and the entire company creates the work. So the writer’s role? i’m not completely clear, but i think they provide a script After a lot of workshopping and the script is then also not set in stone.

I’m hugely nervous. I have not done anything this stressful in ten years and last time i did i was in hospital for 9 months with severe schizophrenic psychosis. My fear level is right up there with this one. I am thinking about it as an insurmountable wall where i will have no ideas, no clue socially (i have apsergers syndrome and schizophrenia), not able to run with the ideas that they have and ultimately that they will not want me for long.

is that completely natural to feel like this, that this group of people will drop me any minute? is everyone that insecure in their jobs?

i know that the world of Ballet dancers is extremely insecure, from an ex ballet dancer. I am just wondering whether theatre generally or writing or creating generally has insecurity as one of the defining things about it.

I only sound calm now because i just had a load of my insecurities made better by chatting about it at length and had some good advice come back to me.

This is absolutely terrifying. The first week intensive, not being the smallest worry… 10 - 6 for 5 days.
I am not even fit enough for that, i’m glad i have some time.

anyone have advice? I keep thinking i need to prepare by convincing myself that i have an imagination.
Most of my work is based on life - mine or other’s - but i think i just realised today that this is where human drama comes from.

New approaches? haven’t got a clue - isn’t that death to a writer?

just wait and see… i’ve built things up in my head before ( outdoor education with kids - that also terrified me at the time ) and needed hospital - this could happen again?

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If you are stressful, imaginative ideas may not come easily but possible. Try to focus only one or two ideas and realize that you can only have that much during that time. Slowly you will have better imagination once you are relaxed.

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It sounds like you have one of a writer’s ally’s, time. It is good for the muse that you are meeting at the same time each day. You will have a lunch break and the opportunity to make friends and bond over your workloads. It is normal to be a little nervous, but you’ve got people helping you out. Think of it as a group class project where you are the one writing things down (there’s a word for it, but it escapes me).

You’ll do fine. Just take a bubble bath and relax. You should know that you’re a boss for landing this gig.

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Thanks Plumber and Metime

I’m trying to visualise success it’s just that I can’t seem to

You mean secretary Metime
Taking down minutes?

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The creative arts are very stressful, so don’t be too hard on yourself. You got the job, so that means they think you can do it. The rest of them are probably all worrying too, so it’s not the schizophrenia. Good luck! I know you can do it!

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