Possible Prodromal? :(

History of diagnosis: ADHD, Aspergers (don’t think I actually have aspergers though), alcohol abuse (self-diagnosed)

Family history: ADHD, anxiety disorders (panic/OCD), hypochondria, possibly somaticiscm, most of my family haven’t been diagnosed officially, but VERY obvious, I study a lot of psychology and you know a semi-crazy person when you see one.

What I’m here for: I’ve become obsessed recently I might be coming down with schizophrenia. I’ve been under extreme stress, anxiety, and depression. It’s been a roller coaster from hell. To this day, I’ve improved exponentially. Though, I still have mild-moderate anxiety, occasional panic attack (very, very mild now), and some stress due to obvious factors. I’ve shown a lot of symptoms of early psychosis/schizophrenia and I guess am now terrified as my family isn’t really in the good area of mental health and neither am I lol.

Brief summary: Got stressed out, went to take a slightly extended vacation in Florida with my grandparents, starting getting stressed more, quit drinking cold turkey, smoked hash oil with my friends, second time had a panic attack, started having severe anxiety and panic attacks, got my adderall prescribed (lack of motivation/slight depression), started experiencing worse anxiety, agitation, and paranoia (though I’ve always been slightly paranoid and maybe delusions), anxiety attacks persisted 2-3 times a day BAD eventually got much better. I was obsessed with what was wrong with me (didn’t believe it was anxiety) but after medical tests/proof it slowly started to subside.

Here’s what bothers me in short: anxiety/panic, odd loss of appetite, paranoia, possible delusion/possible hallucination, derealization/depersonalization, lack of motivation, social withdrawal, oversensitivity (maybe?), lack of pleasure

Here’s what bothers me:

  • I think I’ve had a little bit of anxiety my whole life, I think I’m just a high driven, restless person, but it is out of character for me to have had anxiety this bad. I’m not the worry type or the stressful type.

  • I started experiencing a lot of agitation, sometimes angry mood swings (BAD). All my life I’ve had severe melt downs, but I hadn’t really experienced agitation like this in a couple years (though I was pretty much drunk for a couple of years straight)

  • All my life I’ve been known to have a voracious appetite and even though I have had slight bouts of depression (mostly over girls) and a little bit of anxiety, even using excessive amounts of nicotine, my appetite has completely subsided. Sometimes I have to force feed myself until around later I start getting hungry (especially for sugar).

  • Borderline psychosis! I think this peaked with my anxiety, I was taking adderall on and off (trying to get my life on track but anxiety fought back), and almost every day I was staying up 20+ hours sometimes 30+ and binging on the adderall to stay awake. (I wasn’t getting high off the adderall though, more like using it as coffee.) One time (maybe twice?) as I was going to sleep, I swear I heard this voice, it was sort of distant and it sounded like a kid. Nothing was coherently said, distant and unclear. I

  • Also started experiencing some bad paranoia when I had bud in my truck. I kept checking the blinds, etc for the cops. Sometimes thinking they would show up at my door. It wasn’t EXCESSIVE psycho paranoia, but it was bad. I’ve always bin a tad paranoid (just my personality), but not like this. I started raging about the government (again, I hate the government and a little paranoid about them, but this was exaggerated).

  • I also kept thinking my grandparents (living with them currently) were talking behind my back. They actually would do this as they were watching their once known innocent grandson go crazy before their eyes. I was aware I was trying to catch them, I’d even try to trick them sometimes (kind of my personality lol) but I also felt paranoid about it.

  • Sometimes I felt like I could read my grandma’s mind (though I’m recently obsessed with psychology and MBTI’s I was constantly trying to read people). I’d be excessively confident sometimes in knowing/thinking that I knew what was going on in her head.

  • I thought I was smelling gas one time, asked my grandparents they said no. I sniffed around everywhere smelling this faint smell of oven gas. No source. Though, I was also thinking about smell hallucinations, sort of expecting it maybe?

  • Second time I went to the ER for panic attack (they were bad) they gave me an ativan and I was sitting outside at night lighting up a stoge feeling on edge and hyperfocused (adrenaline I suppose). I looked at the corner of my eye expecting an intruder to be there and I swear I saw a shadow figure and panic stabbed my chest. Then I realized it was probably the anxiety or the drug. Don’t know?

  • Another time, I’ve been a christian all my life, but was lacking in the department. I started praying for God to help me with this horrible anxiety. I was watching a show and the end song I swear was a direct message to me. Though, the worlds were sort of relating to my depression and overall bad state of mind (it was a sad song). I didn’t think too much of it, but realized this is also an early sign of psychosis.

  • I did end up having a bout of depersonalization/derealization. I could sort of think about myself, but watch in 3rd person. I’d do something and say to myself, “that’s not something you’d do…” (though I was also obsessed with mbti’s and I guess trying to act like my type.) Everything would look a little fuzzy. Sometimes people wouldn’t look real. I am over this now, it wasn’t too serious just scary because I’m a little narcissistic and I felt like my personality was dead.

  • Lack of motivation! In the beginning, my plan was come here, have a vacation, scoop up a job real quick (I was cocky about my job getting skills) get a paycheck and run back to where I came from. Well, I started having all this depression/stress/anxiety I just felt overwhelmed and couldn’t get a job. It was very frustrating and eventually I was like screw it. Even when I REAAALLY wanted to go out and look for a job, I just couldn’t bring myself to do it. I’m usually a get up and go person, but I just felt drained and tormented to do anything. Months later since I’ve gotten a good bit better (not 100%), I still don’t really have the motivation to get a job here. I just feel overwhelmed in the city where I’m at. I don’t know. What’s going on?! I did try wellbutrin for a few days it SEVERELY increased my agitation (borderline homicidal and rage induced), but eventually I started feeling this motivation come back. I just wanted to go do something. anything. but I quickly got off that. I also experienced a lack of motivation to shower daily. I kind of let myself go. Basically, intentionally. I saw no point if I just sat in a chair all day.

  • Social withdrawal… I’m a very social oriented person. I’m great at networking, have lots of friends, always on the go, always meeting and talking with people. I started withdrawing, I guess. I was so stressed out I basically ‘hulled’ myself up with my grandparents. Rarely calling my friends where I live, not as responsive in texts, very aloof in the occasional times I went in public. I started having social anxiety and just didn’t want to respond to people. I have some friends down here and they’d want to hang out and I would occasional but it would stress me out because they always wanted me to come to them and I had NO money. NO JOB. I couldn’t afford gas or entertainment so I thought well heck no point in even going out. For the most part, though I’d still talk and converse with my nearly always silent grandparents. I’ve had no stimulation, no activities, no job, no purpose, no money, I figured I’d just sit here and rot in silent torture. But when I do get to talk to a friend on the phone or have a good conversation or do something active/social, I start feeling a blast of energy like hell yeah. And when my uncle would come over with the fam I’d start thinking about turning it into a party and inviting other people lol.

  • I’ve always been oversenstive to certain fabric rubbing together. It makes me cringe and sends chills down my body. I know this is not too uncommon. I noticed I started getting more sensitive to things like that, I think? Like my grandpa was walking outside in the grass and it made me cringe. The dentist had me bite down on some foam, made me cringe. My grandma propping her feet on this cheap cloth ottoman, cringe. Perhaps exacerbated by anxiety?

  • I’m not going to call it anhedonia. But at one point the only thing I could feel for the most part was anger, agitation, and sadness. I found it very hard to enjoy anything I loved anymore including fishing (my life). I had no ability to relax. All I could do was focus on the horrible anxiety that suffocated me.

Sorry if it was too long, I tried to summarize things so one could skim over real quick. I’m terrified. No offense to those who are diagnosed or labeled, but I’m truly afraid of schizophrenia. These aren’t all the symptoms I’ve experienced under the ‘prodrome’ of schizophrenia, but I suppose I listed the most concerning ones.

Note, I do not know if a true prodrome continues to worsen. I’ve definitely improved and am still improving. Also, some of these symptoms such as anger issues and agitation have pre-existed in myself during my teenage years (perhaps hormones or stress? or ADHD which I am currently questioning I have), just not as bad. When I started drinking most of that has gone away. I don’t think I ever appeared to have any pre-schizo symptoms prior. Before I went through all this stress, depression/stress used to bounce off of me like teflon and I usesd it as life lessons and motivation. I did have issues holding a job down, but I wasn’t medicated for ADHD. I also have not experienced anymore of the borderline psychosis. Perhaps it was sleep deprivation, drugs, or drug withdrawal?

Please, someone just give me the truth or solace. I just want this over with lol. Thanks so much for your time in advance as I know this was a beefy post. Any questions I’d be glad to answer, I am trying to avoid filling every detail.

Hi,

Nobody here can give you a definitive answer from just your description. It sounds like its unlikely - but if you’re stressed and its really bothering you , then you should go and get a professional evaluation. Here are some good sources of help:

http://forum.schizophrenia.com/t/early-psychosis-treatment-centers-how-to-get-great-help/12743

Too much text for me. I’m sorry.

What kind of hallucinations do you have?

When I got ill I thought ppl were going to kill me. I could not sleep because my son or husband would stab me in my sleep. I thought Hell’s Angels were going to kill me. I had trolls biting my legs, ghosts poking me. I heared voices telling me to kill myself, that I’m stupid, that ppl talk about me. Sometimes I could have conversations with the voices.

Thank you. I understand that nobody here can give a professional diagnosis, I expect that, but perhaps someone could determine if it sounds like schizophrenia/psychosis? I’ve gotten a lot better, but am still experiencing some impeding symptoms.

This is probably the most value for you. If you seem to have these symptoms - then go to an early psychosis center for an eval. They are usually free since they are research centers:

http://www.schizophrenia.com/sztest/

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I heard this faint what sounded like a childs voice when I was going to sleep, I had increasing paranoia, I saw a message in a song on TV (or maybe I was relating) I was also looking for a message, sometimes I get this increasing suspicion/paranoia of certain friends thinking they may be plotting to kill me, but I don’t get obsessed with them and I still hang out with them, just on edge. it goes away quickly and I also have some shady friends who seem… mentally unstable so. and one time I swear I saw a shadowed figure in my yard when I took ativan.

All these have subdsided really but I keep checking myself for psychosis now. I’m a little obsessed with it. Maybe I’m driving myself to be crazy.

Do keep in mind I started having panic attacks after I got really high on weed, and I’ve been under acute stress. I took wellbutrin temporarily and with adderall. I also had sleep deprivation and was staying up a lot.

I’ve taken online screenings and they say I don’t show any signs of schizophrenia, but you know, prodrome is just the beginning.

You can have hallucinations when going to sleep. That is normal.

Anxiety can make you feel like you are going crazy. Talk to a doc about your anxiety. Then you might feel better and maybe get medication for it if it is bad.

These weren’t all from going to sleep, but thank you. So, my symptoms don’t sound like a prodrome?

I can’t say if you are or not. I’ve read some of your first post. Pretty much can be because of ADHD and maybe depression or anxiety. Anxiety is hard to live with. It can make you feel like you are dying or going crazy.

Mostly if you believe you are going crazy or believe you are crazy, you most propably are not. When you get a psychosis you lose insight. You believe what you hear, feel, see and think.

Maybe Adderall causing amphetamine psychosis?

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