Yes, the whole time I was still taking my second ap Rexulti. But one ap is not enough medicine for me. So my pdoc started me on a new med, Risperidone. I’m taking 2 mg at night. I’m sane. I am feeling some emotions but I’m not overwhelmed by them. I’m not as numbed by this dose as I was by the higher dose of Saphris. My pdoc was talking like she’s wanting to get me up to 4 mg, but I’m sane at 2mg so I’m telling her on our next appointment that I would like to try to stay at 2 mg for now. I feel a bit logy from this med and I can imagine that being worse if I were to double the dose.
Historically I am a highly emotional person. An empath. My heart was breaking for everyone all the time. I hurt. I love aps freeing me from all of that. But you lose some of the good too. It’s a trade off.
I still have feelings. Sometimes too much. Most of the time, I’m a little sensitive. But then there are days, here and there, where I’ll just cry because I’m feeling too emotional. Doesn’t even really need a “real” trigger. Like, I’ll see something slightly sad I’ll just start crying.
Thanks for replying @Leaf
Im happy with my depot injection every 4 weeks
Ive been on a few and at least im not too sedated on this
Im glad your happy with yours too x
@Blossom must be difficult
But theres a trade off like @Leaf says with meds
And i feel very little
I don’t know what’s worse too much emotion or non hardly?
I still can feel my heart swell with joy when I see my grandbabies but I don’t fall apart if the visit get cancelled for some reason. I think that’s about right where I need to be in my life.
I have no feelings anymore. I never cry anymore. I never even get sad, angry or happy even. But thats a zillion times preferable to having too much emotion. My lack of emotion is due to my AD and all my AP’s. I don’t feel “hollow” however.
The reason why I say lack of emotion is preferable is because my excess emotions led me to be suicidal 24/7 for 14 years straight.
I thought haldol killed my feelings, which was one of the most terrifying experiences of my life, just as traumatic as psychosis. But they partly came back when I withdrew. There’s feelings I still can’t experience, the more euphoric and spiritual ones. This i find a major loss and I do not understand why I was not warned. But I’m overjoyed that I can feel social connection (love, empathy) again to the ones dear to me. That leaving me suddenly was the scariest part of haldol.
This month the weirdest symptom came in for me which has been taking a back seat for the longest time: apathy. I have no power to improve my situation and I feel and know that but don’t feel any drive to rebel against that feeling. It feels like relaxing, in a word.
