Ok, so my mother now has one unfunctioning leg… We are alone, no friends, no relatives etc…
But my mother is crazy too, i start to see this, while i was pardoning her all before… I really suspect, that she is abusive to me, she doesnt care anymore about my paranoia or the fact ,that i sometimes cant even walk because of smashness and that fear…
Its really hard folks, i have nowhere to run away cause i cant even walk and ive lost all my people years ago…
I’ll keep trying to fight for some other life…
But i also cant leave her now without food, while today she smashed me really, i turned even nauseous, shaky, total weakness in my extremities…
Idk if i’ll be better tomorrow though, but i have to do this task really…
I wont even enter in details about my mother, what she says is probably hell for my soul or mental… I know, that she is afraid that no one will care for her, if she turns bedridden but now she tortures me, cause she has only me now…
Ok, pls, i just beg for your encouragement about my going out tomorrow, send me good vibes that i’ll do it tomorrow with more courage, less worries, please, wish me that i succeed at that, send me your belief on this…
Its a small thing maybe to go to shop in the supermarket, but i cant stand on my feet now for example and mainly, my head is ultra heavy now, i barely hold it on my neck…
Pls, send some prayers and wishes and tell me, that i can do this tomorrow just!!! 
Can you get your groceries delivered?
For what it’s worth I know that feeling of being crushed and fearful. It’s rough when you can’t excape…only thing I can say is be grateful for whatever good you find in life…??
Also… I deal with different issues now but my fear and crushed personality is a little better. Like you …I still can’t escape my circumstance but there are moments when things are better. Hope you crush it at the store man…
Or get delivered…I pay $6 a month for free Walmart delivery 
I used to be afraid of going to the grocery store.
I had my groceries delivered.
But to overcome my fear, I kept going to the store, first with others, then on my own, for short periods of time.
Over time, I gradually increased how long I spent in the store.
I can now go to the store on my own and do all my shopping there.
It took 0 years and lots of med changes but still, I can do it now.
Don’t give up! Keep trying. Even if you can only stay for 60 seconds, do it. Then try 2 minutes etc.
You got this!
@Anna1, when I have to go to the grocery store, I will usually go during times the store won’t be busy— so either in the early morning right when they open, or later in the evening an hour or two before they close.
This helps to avoid the crowds, the rush, the noise— anything that may cause anxiety, symptoms to flare, or sensory overload.
Also, having a list written down in the order of the grocery store layout helps a lot as well— this ensures that you go in, and find what you need quickly so you don’t have to spend much time in there.
Good luck and wishing you the best 
Good luck.
151515
I wish you health and courage. You can do it tomorrow. I’ll pray to god for you !
I get panic attacks in the supermarket. I hate going there but I have to.
I hope you going there goes swiftly.
Thank you all 
I cant get delivered, cause it involves to go through some internet apps and am bad with that, even by fear too for the truth…
I’ll just try tomorrow i guess.
Thank you all again, really, i need the prayers even too yeap, thank you again… 
My mother says, that she is a pessimist and that only the pessimists are doing the progress in the world and that she thinks, that i need problems in my life, precisely cause they’ll make me stronger in my life yeah… Terrible tbh…
in fact, i come from a place, where i was overwhelmed by problems and i tunred low tolerant on them and i really need more positive in my life, but theres no hope for that coming from my mother, i really see just that now very clearly, she’ll never change…
Unfortunately i dont even go outside with friends, so i’ll have to handle my lonely mother, who doesnt even try to reassure me, when am scared…
Anyways.
Prayers for us all for more courage, yeap, today and tomorrow!!! 
You said you had a sister. Where is she now?
She cant stand my mother either and already at the announce of my dx, she said, that she doesnt want to know anything about my illness, that she has one life and cant deal with such a drama…
She loves me too though, but i dont count on her much, cause its a war now between her and my mother a bit…
My sister also lived with my brainwashed dad, who was beating her till death almost… I wasnt the beaten one, but i suspect that my sister just tries to save herself from problems too now, cause our first and more important years in life around this father, damaged us totally the three of us…
I cant count on my sister now, shes usually just bothered in her peace i find…
i wonder if i take now 2,5 more mgs of my zyprexa…
My pdoc said, that am lately in dysphoric mania and i can raise my zyprexa a bit…
The thing is that today, am just scared, somatizing too, idk if the zyprexa will help…
I did the supermarket, dears, thank you for the support!!!
But i took for that yesterday one ativan, plus a higher dose of zyprexa…
Tbh, am stoned now in the day lol…
We dont know anymore if my mother will be able to walk soon, probably there will be from now on, more days, where i’ll have to help her, which will be challenging for me, am not sure that i can even do it… 
Anyways, prayers for her leg, wishing you all the best to all!!!
Good for you on getting that done, I hope your mother’s leg heals.
Great job!!! I’m super happy for you!!!
Nice you got it done!!! Next time might be a little easier 
That’s wonderful!
well done!
High five! …hugs
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