Personal Record

So I have never asked to see the documented record of the symptoms I’ve experienced. I’m writing this as a way to track my progress and hopefully put more order and focus back into my life. I might update this more later.

Gender: female
Age: 25
Race: White

Childhood Symptoms: Eccentric, passionate, over-imaginative, talked before the age of one, have been able to recall many memories vividly up until recently, after writing memoir. Was never violent, but sometimes teased younger brother. Became shy after second grade. Had dysfunctional learning habits, despite being fairly bright. Hated to sleep and always wanted to stay up late. I was extremely visual, often told fairy tales to younger children I had made up, was creative and very social, loved people. Often befriended social misfits because they were ostracized, sometimes reckless boys or girls with social issues. I tried to socialize them. I always have helped others who seemed in need, and have had problems putting others before myself.

My symptoms had started to manifest one year prior to seeking treatment. I had been bullied all through-out middle and high school and had no friends. I began isolating myself and writing stories and poetry. At the time I wasn’t as worried about perfecting my writing as I was perfecting the fantasies. I would go into trances where I would imagine I was someone else, in another life, and live out their world. When parents decided to send me to boarding school, it was the perfect way to live out the delusion because my fantasies involved a 25 year old in a catholic boarding school who was manic and had a lot of sex. I played out the story of her birth and death, as if she was an archetype of social defiance and deviance. The stories became so real to me, when she took the final painkiller I watched her drown in a pool of sorrow. I can still remember the visions I had in these episodes of mania and escapism.

Boarding school was the turning point, where I hit the brick wall, slammed into reality and could not break through to the other-side. I confronted the fact that I was not infallible, immortal, and unbreakable. I broke down after not showering for 2 weeks, wearing the same dirty clothes, stopped taking care of myself, etc. The boarding school was nothing like my delusional fantasy world- although in the end the girl I used to fantasize about, an anorexic woman with curly brown hair and freckles, is murdered by a heroin addict boyfriend. IDK where these crazy stories come from. I’ve had this thing where I don’t actually have to read or socialize, information about the world around me just comes right into my head. So I went home after boarding school.

My symptoms worsened in the hospital. In the EEG I was told that the electrical activity was so high that it spiked over the threshold and off the chart, but I had no brain damage or problems other than I was probably manic or having seizures and couldn’t ground myself. I was fifteen then, a year after my first symptoms at age 14.

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It seems there is person like you I am not sure.

welcome to the site , i am communicating from another world…joking
have a good one .
take care

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Welcome.

Have you ever written your stories you came up with? Maybe there’s a book writer in you? :slight_smile:

I enjoyed your story, I wish if others can share such stories…and welcome

Thanks for the welcome. :smile: Yeah I would love to write a novel or book. If I self-published or got an editor then maybe I wouldn’t be as worried about the mechanics. It takes a lot of energy to write but in the end it’s fun because you can look back and feel accomplished.

i wrote a children’s book , it is floating in the amazon ether, but i did not do it for anything but the sense of achievement.
so write a novel i would read it.
take care

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So this is the the documented you, by you. …the subjective self of what you like to present.
What are your wishes for this?
To be presented with the objective self, by a “trained professional” can be quite a letdown. Avoid asking for records, you might be disappointed in what will be missed.

I’d like to write a good book - about that.

Yeah, I know. I don’t need to read what they’ve put down because their judgements on me still won’t add up to how much I know myself. Their records are just so they can treat the problems.

Those people sound real to me, not literally but i would say those people exist in many different people.

I’ve always wanted to be a writer, it was my first dream that i had when i was young, and i am built perfectly for it, i would love sitting by myself for that long working on something. Up all night filled with inspiration, it would feel like a waterfall was pouring out of me, at least that is how i would percieve it, it would most certainly be that exciting for me.

There is only one problem though, just a small little problem, I CAN’T WRITE WELL!

My second dream was getting involved in cheffory, i like to cook, it would be write up my alley. Get it? I said write!

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I know what you mean, Pansdisease. I love to write, but I don’t feel very good at it. I’m best at prose and poetry. I can write ok, but I don’t get the stories out that I want to.

Thanku. I will when I come up with a good one.

Do you recall what part of the brain the seizure activity was found in on your EEG test?

@Tom21, please try to be cognizant of how long ago posts were made when you respond. This post is almost 4 years old and the original poster no longer participates in this community.

Even if she was still here, many members find getting questions on topics they posted years ago upsetting. Please try to keep your replies to more current threads.

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