Schizophrenia.com

Make a Personal Timeline of your Psychosis, Sz, etc.?


#1

Lol sorry for the double post yet again. My thoughts always seem to come in pairs. Anyways I’m really interested to see how everyone’s sz, psychosis, whatever developed over the course of their life (because I’m a neurology nerd, ha) If you wouldn’t mind, could you make some sort of timeline of it? From childhood to now? Doesn’t have to be in depth, but it you want it to be go for it.

Here’s mine, if anyone’s interested.

Baby-Toddler: Very serious, threw huge fits and sobbed if people put me down, even made my mom sleep with me almost every night

3-7: Earliest memories start. Got horrible, horrible nightmares every night I still remember to this day. Caused me to get insomnia because I’d avoid sleeping. Remember being constantly afraid at night, things were coming to get me and kill me, everything was threatening, deformed faces in paintings, etc. Also experienced vivid visual and auditory hallucinations, largely at night. Experienced weird dark feelings of wanting to hurt and imprison things. Mom said I did weird stuff like put everything in cages. Age 5 delusions started, thought I was werewolf, went around telling everyone.

8-10: First realized I was kind of different from other people, started choosing who I shared my delusion with instead of telling everyone. Still always scared at night. Became lucid dreamer, which helped greatly with nightmares which gradually became less frequent and intense. Visual and auditory hallucinations gradually stopped. Still thought I was werewolf. Depression begins at age 10, though not very strong, just a general feeling of loneliness and emptiness. Dark feelings (wanting to hurt things, etc) largely disappear.

11-14: Werewolf delusion goes away to be replaced by a host of other ones. Depression goes full blown and was a very dark period in life. Nothing seemed to pull me out of it. First found God and gained sense of spirituality, leading to delusions becoming more spiritual in nature. Still paranoid at night.

15-17: Visual hallucinations return, but only the mildest of what I used to experience. Delusions become terrifying and very paranoid, consume life. Tactile hallucinations of demonic attack and sexual abuse begin and escalate over time. Started hearing inner voices and communicating with them on a regular basis. I had only heard telepathic voices irregularly before. Paranoia begins to occur in both night and day times, never felt safe. Became conscious of psychosis at age 15/16 with help of a friend and started analyzing it, working to control it and overcome it. First manic feelings begin age 15. First feelings of painful anxiety begin at 17, which lead to suicidal ideation. It scared me and I started therapy, for the anxiety not the psychosis. Demonic attack hallucinations greatly decrease to almost nothing.

18-19: Current day. Overcame suicidal urges but still want to die a lot of the time. Dealt with awful anxiety and night time paranoia all of senior year. Delusions decreased significantly to only two in two years, vs a whole slew of them over one year due to my coping mechanisms and reality checks. Started experiencing derealization/depersonalization senior year of high school, and had developed other symptoms of trauma due to previous hallucinated demonic abuse. Still get instances of hallucinated abuse from time to time, but is not a common occurrence, and I can stop it when it happens. Mastered lucid dreaming, but still have nightmares related to the abuse in which I’m pretty powerless. Anxiety is still pretty bad though I’ve become a lot better at managing it I’d like to think. Still talk with voices, though I haven’t had a delusion since like the beginning of this year, and I didn’t even believe it that long anyways. Paranoia attack frequency at night has gone WAY down as I understand it and have good coping mechanisms. No real depression to speak of, though I do get pretty gloomy in episodes. Finally went therapy for psychosis this year, after being encouraged by this forum to do so.

When I think of how far I’ve come from where I used to be it gives me hope for the future. How far have you come on your journey?


#2

0-10 Pretty normal but now thinking back something was off about me
11-13 Lots of damaging moments that perpetuated me to
14-18 slipped into a fantasy world of egocentrism and delusion
18-24 drug use self medicating myself, trying to explain reality not without consequence. in and out of hospitals and whatnot, getting arrested
24+ getting sober, really coming into my own, still have bad days but not terrible


#3

It makes me so happy to hear about people improving over time. I feel like it can encourage younger people or people who are just starting to experience symptoms to keep on truckin’.


#4

6-12: Showing autistic signs and symptoms.
13-15: Learn that I am not autistic but still confused about my nature.
16-20: Auditory and tactile hallucinations, sudden anger, depression, mania, delusional and paranoid thinking begin. Grades start to suffer. Traumatized by some real but mostly unreal events.
21-25: Began coming to terms with illness and received diagnosis. Learned how to cope and started medication and therapy.
Today: I am happily engaged to the love of my life and have a son on the way. I am thankful for everything, including my illness, and am very thankful to be connected with people on this website like yourself. :smile:


#5

0-4 I was a weird kid, early signs of autism but never actually manifested, quiet and shy but once I got to know you, very friendly. Started reading very early.
5-7 First experiences with gender dysphoria, acted out in response to being forced into strict gender roles, was regularly punished by teachers. Would crossdress and play with makeup, hid from family. Diagnosed with ADHD, started on ritalin.
8 On ritalin, felt nothing, very numb and flat. Was taken off, put on imipramine.
9 Imipramine left me suicidal, taken off quickly.
10-13 Struggled in school. Bullied constantly, couldn’t pay attention in class. Underwent biofeedback training to manage supposed ADHD, learned to consciously adjust brain wave patterns to better focus. Crossdressing and feminine behaviors continued in secret, with certain friends. Was raped by female friend of family at 12, never told family.
14-15 Became sexually active, was aggressive toward female partners. Took submissive role with male partners. I was a jerk during this time.
16-17 Went to boarding school, small class sizes, much better environment both academically and socially. Met first proper boyfriend, H. H very supportive and gentle. Aggression and frustration continued, but were tempered by H. Overcompensated for femininity, lifted weights obsessively and became very muscular. Started smoking. First psychotic symptoms, delusions. Thought I was a vampire. Discovered I was a transsexual, hid.
18 Graduated, tried college, failed. Started attending Renaissance Club meetings, met many new people. Had circle of “friends” who reinforced my delusions, including abusive girlfriend.
19-26 More of the same. Came out as gay, eventually delusions faded, symptoms went down somewhat, some auditory hallucinations, increased negative symptoms. A couple more relationships, decided I didn’t like girls romantically. A few failed jobs, mostly couldn’t work due to negative symptoms, I hid everything. Saw a therapist for trans related stuff, was rejected by doctors for hormones. Started going to tech school for automotive.
27 Quit smoking. Started going to GLBT clinic, started hormone replacement therapy, began publicly presenting as female on occasion, very carefully.
28 Probably my best year. Had a steady, if bad, job washing dishes. Graduated tech school, top of my class. Came out to friends and family as trans.
29 Started dating my current boyfriend, S. Presenting more openly as female, still only part time. Everything looking good until summer. Symptoms come back HARD. Psychotic episode, very bad, had to quit job. Started seeing therapist, eventually pdoc. Was terrified and delusional. Started on meds, eventually symptoms abated. Was psychotic for months. In December had stroke, caused significant reduction of coordination, sensation, and strength in right side. Estrogen was determined to be the cause, discontinued hormone therapy but stayed on testosterone blockers. S staying with me, very supportive and loving and caring.
30 Present day. Living 90% of the time as female, though sometimes dressing androgynously. S still with me, planning to move in together. Still can’t hold a job, though I work for myself making costumes and clothing. Not where I want to be in life, but things are looking up for the future. Positive symptoms mostly in check, negative still a problem.


#6

0 to 24 very normal and successful
24 to 27 multiple relapses, only delusional and paranoid thoughts, few visual hallucinations.
27 to now 29 in remission


#7

Oh man, a stroke at 29?? That sucks!! I’m glad you have such a supportive and caring partner.


#8

Great idea! It could be a process of individuation!

Age 1-5: Can recall from age 3 onwards. I was very observant.
Age 5-8: Became very poetic and adventurous. Made friends with boys. Stood up for outcasts and befriended them. Wrote a story about a plane landing in the desert with cut out cardboard and paper, based on “A Little Prince” book and film I loved. Loved family events, encouraged my brother to be outdoors and not watch Sesame Street all the time. Father taught me a word every week and was proud when I could define translucent vs. opaque. Mother and father taught me to spell, read, and write before school.
9-10: Mom has manic episode induced by Prozac and is later hospitalized. Is not on medication when she returns, always feared she was given electroshock for some reason. Parents live in separate houses.
11-13: Parents move to WV, get back together, are fairly happy and stress free. Mom starts becoming politically active again, father is somewhat supportive. I am selected for the Johns Hopkins Talented Youth search, take the SAT at age thirteen and study civil rights in Santa Cruz for three weeks. Mom and I travel to CA in a subaru. We do a lot of sight seeing, inspires my first story I wrote with references to a NWO, war in the middle east with metaphorical analogies. It was written stream of thought on a notebook depicting brainwashed citizens on pills to keep them blind, who drive in endless circles for the government who is also the oil industry and the politicians often quote bible references. I’m proud of this.
14-17: Sent to boarding school, attacked and ridiculed, slip into psychosis, hospitalized, relapsed at seventeen.
18-21: Crippled by medication and eventually begin to self-advocate and study existentialism and carl jung etc. research lots and learn. Start college. Battle symptoms until eventually learn to heal and cope with it.
22-26: Almost fully recovered. Made a lot of realizations and observations. Self-exploration.


#9

0-4 hyperactive. Tics.

5-10 still hyperactive and tocs. Got beaten a lot at home. Was in fights in school.

11-15 very depressed. Thought about suicide a lot. Even planned it. Planned to kill my dad or he would kill me. Paranoia? Started hearing voices.

15-20 drinking heavily. Got away from dad. Moved to mom’s place. Got myself a dog. He saved my life more than once. Who would take care of him if not me?

20-30 got a job. Still hyperactive with tics. Got kids. Two of them.

30+ Get paranoid thoughts again. Start hearing voices again. Get depressed again.


#10

Ah, I forgot about that. I had a bunch of tics as a kid too. The amount of them decreased until they fully went away about halfway through middle school though.


#11

Ages 0-6: Nothing to report other than being a 10-month baby. Neuropsychiatrist thought this may be a factor in the development of sz.

Ages 7-11: Prodromal phase. Withdrew socially. Was content to watch other children play while I took no part. Was rather moody and brooding.

Age 11: Mother dies from cancer, setting off a near-instant reaction of delusions and thought disorder.

Age 12: Admitted to the hospital and diagnosed as Paranoid Schizophrenic due to worsening speech, thought patterns, delusions, hallucinations, and abnormal response to external stimuli.

Ages 13-18: Bounced around the system from group home to group home. Got the sz under control when I was 16. Fought it with everything I had, and emerged victorious at age 18. Went into remission.

Ages 18-27: In remission, not much to report on.

Age 28: Voices come back. Got in with a pdoc and got on medication.

Age 29-32 (present): On medication and doing so-so. Been sick for mostly the past 21 years. Phooey.