I am not talking as in close physical proximity but in terms of getting personal. I’ve had this a few times with email correspondence and I go into avoidant/panic mode. Like when people suggest to meet up/they’ll visit you. The immediate thought is " If you see me in the flesh you’ll see what a boring/not very good person I am" and “oh ■■■■ entertaining someone face to face !” It’s like I struggle to know how to interact face to face.
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I don’t let anyone near me now except family and my doctor.
I had someone try to reconnect with me from the past a while ago, but I just ended up not responding. I don’t have time for the people I used to know who pretty much abandoned me when I went psychotic.
I do not trust anyone any more, not though other peoples fault, but my inability to judge character and understand motives etc. I have had so many toxic friendships, I am not prepared to go through it all again.
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With the exception of my husband, and calling my mom three times a week, all my interaction is done here and on Facebook. I never let anyone too close. My pdoc says I’m too insular but this is what makes me feel safer.
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I prefer internet interaction. Face to face scares me. I feel like an imposter in my own skin.
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I dont go out and meet people… and when they meet me i freeze and dont know what to say…
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