Almost all of my hospitalizations have been involuntary and even the few times I agreed to go for changed to holds. I have mixed feelings on it.
For some, I definitely see why they had no other options. Well, maybe except jailing me. For some, they had no other options because I was doing graphic things to myself so what else could they do? I’m not good with retaining “insight” and so forth and there’s no “talking me out of it” or “reasoning with me” and so, again, they either let me bleed out/jump or destroy property. In those instances I guess I’m less angry. Well, I do t like being interfered with but I understand they didn’t have many options.
The times they’ve taken me out of my house when I’ve been holed up I’m less forgiving. But I know I was called in and I know that it wasn’t done from malice.
And then there are times they’ve extended my stay once already in. Those are the ones I have the most animosity about, I’d say. And I have a lot of bitterness about being put on compulsory injections now that I’m not even in the hospital. But that’s a side resentment.
Did I always come out better than I went in? I always come out more defeated. But I’m a lot less psychotic. So I’d say it’s a trade off. I think those around me have a very different perspective on my involuntary commissions/being sectioned. I think it’s better for others, but I can’t say they’ve all been better for me. Their point, I think, is that I come out alive. My point is that mere existence, that’s inadequate.
Being in the hospital is time lost never to be regained and, when added up, so many years of my life have been spent there, involuntary stays feel like theft of time, the worst sort of theft of my life.
I saw you said demographics and time since are indicated in playing a role in perspective. I’m female and my last stay was July/August. I haven’t gone six full months without hospitalization in over a decade, but I might if I can get to February. Dare to dream.