To self destruct. Like for nooo reason. Not any particular way, just in general. Idk. I need to learn healthier ways to cope because this feeling is distressing me. I’m pulling all my hair out again, I’m trying to stop. Just have a need to destroy my life even though I don’t want that at all, I love the direction my life is heading.
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Maybe it’s because I’m bored out of my mind with my reduced hours at work. I’m always alone besides when I’m at work, I text people but it feels empty.
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If you don’t love yourself you won’t stop self destructing. Realize that your dna 
is different from everyone else’s on the planet. You’re special and unique and I really like your song lyrics. Btw
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I think it’s really hard on you to be alone unless working. That would be hard on most people. Can you start joining things where you can make some friends? If you have friends and don’t see them often, could you invite them to your place sometimes or meet them at restaurants
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I thought about joining a social club but idk. I don’t ever feel like i fit in everytime I’ve tried ad that’s worse than feeling lonely
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No one fits in immediately. If you join something and go regularly, and talk to people while there, you’ll most likely make a friend. It’s worth trying
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I told my bf I was lonely and he just said “yeah.”
Now I feel like a burden too. Jesus, I hate depression
I can’t handle these feelings. I feel like I’m gonna lose my ■■■■ and not a single person gives a ■■■■ anymore. I’m too needy, too reliant on others, have a need to be saved from my own demons, a waste of space.
Yes! And if you get attitude from some people just think “those people don’t know”. Judgemental people usually don’t know much, anyway.
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Has your pdoc prescribed any antidepressants? You might try that route. You might hit the jackpot and find an AD that works for you.
Meds always make me worse after several weeks. I’m not touching it.
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Do what is best for you, but talk to your therapist about it. You might get some relief.
Professionals are med pushers. They’d just tell me to go back on my meds, which I’m determined not to do. I just have to learn how to cope with this.
Is there any chance that the way you feel now comes from going off your med’s?
Oh most definitely. But I get this way on meda anyway so what’s the point.
I’ve tried countless APs ADS mood stablizers… nothing works long term. It works for maybe a few months at most, even then I still get Brea thro symptoms. Makes me believe the meds make me worse actually, because before meds I still cycled a lot but not as fast. This is just a hump, I’ll get over it.
I used to be like that when things went well for long. It’s like hmm I should do some reckless stuff and mess it up.
I’ve gotten better resisting that now
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Everything is empty.
Starting to feel like everyone would be better off without me. All I do is cause issues, I like to think I’m a good person but the truth is I’m not. No one truly likes me its all pity.
I’m typing like anyone gives a flying ■■■■ what I do. Who gives a ■■■■ about my stupid emotional problems.