And overwhelmed with the idea of not working too because
I had a… Seizure? The other day after my last shift. I think because it was stressful as hell. I’ve been in my house since then mostly laying in bed usually asleep. I tried to take a brief walk around the neighborhood yesterday and I could not walk right again. In the ER they said I have a gait disorder, I guess it comes and goes for me. I’m sitting here crying because I have to leave for work soon.
I can’t wait for my neurologist appointment in November. Feels forever away though.
Frankly I don’t know how encouraging this will sound to you, but here goes nothing…
I work mostly because I have to. Few people know about my illness and I’ve never applied for disability pension (which would hardly get me through the first week of the month anyway).
I do find meaning in my job, but it’s mentally exhausting (IT professional).
What helps is a mix of:
strict daily routine: getting in a solid 8-9 hours of sleep every night, same bed time, same wake-up time; no all-nighters, no nights out.
daily walks, at least 1h at a slightly faster pace than normal.
no drama in my romantic life; I’m currently single and won’t mingle unless with a very emotionally mature woman, not clingy and within the same league as me (money, energy levels, interests).
supporting family and friends; I do occasionally put up with some crap from my folks but they’re always there in times of need.
desire to be someone, to matter; I love it when a boss or coworker or customer acknowledges my work, even by a simple “thanks”.
risk aversion: I don’t like to take major risks, and unemployment would drive me nuts because I’d run out of money, then what?
