I would need to change some things. But because of the negative thinking, the things that I should change are the only things that give me some sort of joy.
And I often say that my life is over and that is it just waiting for death. Everytime I try to change something, I fall into a negative loop. There is not much here in my life. In the beginning of psychosis I would have hopes or something to do. Now I feel like seeing that I’m incapable of most things. I haven’t washed my clothes in a month. Which is also made by the fact that my father locks our garage. And in the garage is the washing machine. But I don’t care to ask my father.
My diabetes doesn’t get better. I’m kind of intentionally running into a brick wall with this. I have several tees, and on some days coffee with 6 table spoons of sugar or eight little sugar cubes into each cup.
Just the sugar and the cigarettes keep me in better mood. And my nutrition is really unhealthy. I know better but gave up on improving. Were your 30s better done ?
I would try to stay in with your family so you are able to get things done like wash your clothes.
It sounds like you need to try cut back on your meds. If you are feeling too much apathy. Would get in touch with doctor and discuss this. I know how hard it can be to make good choices if the medication is too overpowering.
There is also a key in eating healtier, if your body gets the nutrition it needs you will feel better. You don’t have to make a radical change. I would start by eliminating junk food and snacks. There is still a whole lot of stuff you can allow yourself to eat, much of it tastes really good still. You just got to find good substitues for it. Like for snacks you can still eat nuts and dark chocolate. I would recommend dried fruits too, but if you have diabetes you better take that seriously.
My medication got increased a month ago because of insomnia. Risperidone and sleep meds got increased. Now getting again a new psychologist. The last one I had only two appointments with her. She is getting to a different city hospital.
Next appointment to my new psychologist is november 11.
I could cook for two or three days a week. Because of smoking I couldn’t get enough food to get through the week. I, when I was not eating my fathers meals, ate just bread and cold cuts for one and a half year. Then I was like 137 Kg. Now I just eat when I’m hungry. I dip between 122 to 128 Kg.
I know better. Because I did a nutrition plan when I was in my 20s and working out for a year. Then I quit because it made my mood kind of bad. But I just weighted 87 Kg. Before my psychosis I was a skateboarder and was around 78 Kg in summer and 82 Kg in winter. I had like two summers and one winter of skateboarding done and then psychosis hit me. I have not even smoked weed in years and it just came on one day like a gun shot.
I can relate. It was kind of the same for me. Suddenly out of the blue it hit me. Before it happened I was competely sure that something like that could never happen to me. How wrong was I.
Well it is always possible to make things better for yourself if things look hopeless. I think having a dose of AP’s that are not too heavy is the key. If insomnia was your only trouble I would consider changing meds. Zyprexa and quetiapine has worked good on sleep for me even at low doses. I think they are good for sleep in most people.