I would need to change some things. But because of the negative thinking, the things that I should change are the only things that give me some sort of joy.
And I often say that my life is over and that is it just waiting for death. Everytime I try to change something, I fall into a negative loop. There is not much here in my life. In the beginning of psychosis I would have hopes or something to do. Now I feel like seeing that I’m incapable of most things. I haven’t washed my clothes in a month. Which is also made by the fact that my father locks our garage. And in the garage is the washing machine. But I don’t care to ask my father.
My diabetes doesn’t get better. I’m kind of intentionally running into a brick wall with this. I have several tees, and on some days coffee with 6 table spoons of sugar or eight little sugar cubes into each cup.
Just the sugar and the cigarettes keep me in better mood. And my nutrition is really unhealthy. I know better but gave up on improving. Were your 30s better done ?