One of my poems

Creativity
1

I’ve never shared my personal poems with anyone but I would like some feedback on this one. It deals with my warped mind about the world and I’m sure some of you will relate to this. Especially the feeling of being in a wasteland. I haven’t written in half a year and it was a HUGE outlet for me. I don’t know what happened. I miss it.

I see the birds expand their wings and fly
The grass is a lovely green and its so full of life
The roads are old and run down from the many passerbys
My feet take each step while I ground myself with my weight
I’m like a fish in the sea, no one wants to throw any bait
The more I walk the farther I get from the place I was
I don’t even wanna return to that place just because
I keep walking, hear the wind blow across me makin me feel alive
I’m walking for miles and miles, im feeling weak,i can’t even speak and I somehow fall to my knees
I see some signs and look into the horizon and I see a river
Its golden with the brightest light i’ve ever seen, i begin to shiver
Thoughts play through my head like a movie, I soon feel I’m a lover and a forgiver
I wonder why I saw that but I continue to venture around trying to find it is what I want and need
Its nothing but a whorish world of pain, heartbreak and a ton of ■■■■■■■ greed
I begin to feel like a failure and I just can’t ■■■■■■■ take this
I continue to walk on this path that I chose hoping there is some place of bliss
I see a narrow path and decide to continue on
I’m traveling with energy so fast, I feel nothing but the blast
Time now seems likes its paused, everything seems now warped, what the ■■■■ have I caused?
The sun begins to set now, I get my strength back as I"m watching it slowly yet beautifully go down
Hearing faintly the sound of traffic in the background
As I head back home, while walkin on this path
The darkness hits and I soon drift into a deep sleep
The sun rises in the east, the pain is gone, why the ■■■■ did it take this long, i always felt defeat
I face another day, I realize things aren’t as bad as they seem anymore
I realize now for what you want in this life is nothin but a war

1 Like
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@WarpedReality

That was beautiful. I can definitely relate to it. I cn only write novels, I can’t write a good poem to save my life. But you are really good at this, you should definitely continue.

3

The beginning of your poem contradicts the last statement. There’s no war to the appreciation of nature. I wish you wouldn’t use the f word. It blunts your otherwise sensitive use of words.
About “I see some signs…” is the river real or imagined because this is where your poems mood changes. What made you feel weak all of a sudden after just stating the wind made you feel alive?

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Thanks. Before I started writing poems, I was pretty good at doing creative writing when I was younger.

5

You should keep this up!
Plus-what a great outlet!