I went to my psychiatrist at 12:30 all is well. I told him I agreed that I don’t have ADHD and that I had stopped the stimulant medication. He was in agreement with that but not in stopping the anti-psychotics without telling him first. I told him I hadn’t been taking Abilify, and he was a little upset at first but not overtly angry just advised me that I need to be on some type of mood stabilizer for Bipolar because, so with Bipolar 1 if you are too depressed or too manic, then you can become psychotic however unlike schizophrenia it doesn’t just happen out of the blue, randomly there’s a more obvious and direct cause. I’m pretty sure Bipolar is what I have, not that it’s the biggest factor but knowing what I have is important to me. So I am starting a brand new medication.
Topomax, and nothing harsh or with too many side effects. He really wants me to continue visteral as needed for anxiety or panic, and the new medication at the very lowest dose. I will take Vistaril as needed though no more than 3 times a day and I don’t plan on taking it often unless at the right time–because it’s good for allergic reactions, and also capping mania or anxiety that fuels obsessive thinking and stuff. It really calms me down, I might actually take it but I’m stressed out and just took the first dose of the new mood stabilizer and I want to be sure I know how the new stuff effects me. He suggested Lamictal but I’m allergic and I got the face rash so I’m trying topamax and hoping to God it helps more than Abilify, oh and apparently it helps you lose weight too. Win win.
I had a very positive appointment and interaction. I applied to Yale and Harvard, and I need to get recommendations from my college. No one really thinks I can do it, or seems to be enthusiastic about my goals or future, when I got an interview with a Harvard Alumni my dad told me not to bother. I live 20 minutes from the shittiest city in the world. I love this state I do not love the poverty, and drugs, and carelessness and big interests that victimize and take advantage of people.