I am broken, my situation is messy, and I would like to just say this is hard.
For 20 years my husband has run his own business, and he has flourished in it. We’ve been married for five years, and they have been hard. I was diagnosed with schizoaffective two years in. We have two toddlers together.
I won’t take all of the blame (I have for five years but am learning not to), but we are now out of money. Five hospitalizations later. Four years of private pay therapy and psychiatry. Weekly counseling. Intensive outpatient twice a week. Wreaks havoc on the schedule and the bank account.
My husband is apathetic. Both of our choices drove him to this point. He is not fulfilling orders at work. He is not returning phone calls. He refuses to develop a resume.
After conversations with my family doctor and psychiatrist, I applied for disability back in December. I haven’t heard anything, and they said it takes months to years to be approved and then receive it. But we have no money now. They don’t want me to work, but what are we supposed to do in the meantime? If I go to work and we find that I’m not able to (because I have an episode or from cognitive impairment from the medication), I lose out on disability.
It’s all so hard, and I feel trapped.
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I’m sorry things are so stressful. Disability can take such a long time to get approved. It’s hard. And most of the time, the initial claim is denied and you have to appeal.
Is there a public mental health clinic near you, in the meantime? It sounds like your husband could benefit from some therapy as well. Maybe talking to someone would help him get his mindset in the right place to find a job where he can support the family.
For sure on disability. My husband isn’t open to therapy, he’s unwilling.
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Does he have any close, supportive friends?
He has two, but they aren’t encouraging him to work right now.
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Does he have a reason for not wanting to work?
He says he doesn’t care. I think he’s hopeless.
What do you usually do for him when he’s sad? Is there a favorite meal he likes, or a favorite place you can take him? It’s hard to do what you need to do when you feel hopeless. Maybe if he sees something positive, or sees someone taking care of him, he will feel better.
Nobody is at their best when they have no money. It adds all these unnecessary stresses and raises cortisol levels and throws your whole body out of whack.
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These are very good ideas! I will look for ways to build him up! Thanks!
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Any properties for selling? Anyone generous in your family?
We rent, so we have no property to sell. We have a storage unit and garage we rent that need emptied and we stop renting, but it is my husband’s stuff and he has the keys and the information so he has to do it. My parents started paying for treatment. His mom said we could come with her live. It’s 40 minutes away, which isn’t too bad, but it would take us away from everything home and we would need to store our stuff some where.
You should hear from disability soon, and then you will either get money or appeal and then get money. Either way, you’ll eventually have back pay. You just need to survive until then. Don’t forget you two are partners on the same team. You’re both feeling pretty defeated right now, but use each other as supports instead of scapegoats.
@Ninjastar How do you know whether to wait for disability or to go out and get a job?
I’m so sorry you are having so many difficulties in your life. Can you apply for food stamps, food pantries and WIC for your children and you? I know that if you do WIC for your kids you can get it right away. I also got food stamp assistance when I went to job and family services. They immediately gave me the stamps. You can also apply for money and transportation services through the SNAP program. Maybe this will help. It certainly helped us when we were in trouble. At least you would have your food covered and it would ease the situation you are in.
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I can’t answer that. I don’t know your situation. But I think, given that you just had a suicide attempt that landed you in the hospital, work might not be a good stressor to add to your life at the moment. I worry about your ability to even stay long enough to earn a whole paycheck, and it could jeopardize your backpay.
Thanks @anon78876561. Yes, I think I will need to do those things. I’m a little bit overwhelmed by it because it is unfamiliar and because of my contamination ocd, but I want to take good care of my kids.
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Okay. Thank you @Ninjastar
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Yah, the WIC program is really good because they base it on income. The food is specifically for the kids so you know they at least will not starve.
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It’s all so surreal. Where do I go? Do I apply online? I don’t even know our bank account number! How do I prove I have no money or no income? My husband is getting money some where, because we are still in our apartment.
I think you need paperwork for the SNAP program, like proof of income, letter of residence and things like that. It’s not hard to do. WIC will also ask for documentation like birth certificates and proof of residency. Call them and ask what documentation you need. I think you need to show how much money you have currently and your income. Just call job and family services in your area and they will help. You can just go there and get help.
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