I’m 20 years old and floundering in delusions and hallucinations. Every day I drag myself out of bed and into the real world only to be thrown out again. I am utterly alone and scared. I have lost all my friends, my college, and my scholarships because of my illness. I have nothing left to live for and nobody to share it with. I have a burden I can’t bear anymore. A disease I can’t cure. And a life that meas nothing to me. Is there salvation? Someone please tell me because I fear I am too close to the edge.
Hey,
I’m just a little bit older than you and also went through though times in the past with this disease, dropped out of college because of some symptoms too, but things can get better, that I’ve came to believe…
If you want to talk about what’s going awry in your life I’ll hear you 
Are you currently on meds? Doing therapy?
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Hi and welcome to the forum @soul49. I’m sorry you are feeling outcast and alone and that you’ve lost so much due to schizophrenia.
It is possible to rebuild. It takes a lot of hard work and dedication but you can do it. The trick is keeping up with psychiatrist appointments and taking all your meds as prescribed. You must also have the right attitude to rebuild, a positive outlook will make the road easier for you. From what I read you want change so that is a positive first step.
Do you have any family you can talk to about what you’re going through? Or a therapist? You need a good support network with this illness. You can achieve things without one but having support makes everything easier.
Use this forum for extra support. The people here are great and have a lot of experience they can share with you to help you.
All the best, and keep in touch. 
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I take lithium, buspar, zyprexa, prozac, and ativan. I see a therapist monthly and I go to DBSA groups regularly, but no signs of improvement.
Thank you @anon84763962! I have a supportive family, but my episodes are still scary to them and they don’t know how to deal with it. I’ve been hospitalized and have seen a therapist regularly, I just feel like nothing is improving at this point and my life keeps slipping away in the mean time.
Do you keep a journal of every day? One thing I’ve noticed a few people do here with their journals is find at least one positive thing in every day to write about.
I’m glad you’ve got a supportive family. It helps a lot. My family are supportive but don’t know how to handle the big stuff, a bit like yours. It’s natural, our experiences are scary enough to us, they must be frightening to the people who love us too.
Just take things really easy on yourself, just one day at a time. If that’s too much, just try an hour at a time.
I don’t mean to sound condescending but you’re still very young, you’ve got a long road full of opportunities ahead of you. You’ll be ok. Things may pan out differently to how you first expected or wanted them to, but that’s ok. That happens to everyone I think.
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Turtle is right. When I was twenty, I was an absolute mess and saw no end in sight. Bur eventually I found the right med combination for me, and life got exponentially better. I still deal with symptoms sometimes, but I have more coping skills now.
When doctors try to determine our prognosis, they look at three main things: med compliance, supportive family, and regular therapy. You have all of those things, which means you’re very likely to recover. It just takes time. Don’t give up. Be honest with your doctors about how you’re doing, and keep working with them. Learn to develop coping skills.
My family had a hard time understanding this disease. I had to be very open and honest with them about my struggles. Sometimes I told them things hey would rather not know, but it helped them learn. Now they can help me when I’m struggling. The bigger your support network, the easier your challenges will be to face.
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Thank you all for your advise and support. This has been a very lonely road for me and I am so thankful to hear from others who have been through the same thing. Sometimes I loose hope, but today I feel like my life is worth living again <3
I just wanted to say that hearing your brief story gave me the chills. At the very least it sounds like you still have good insight into the disorder. My advice would be to stay strong. It’s early yet as you’ve just been diagnosed. Some people improve and get better, without meds and they just have to reclaim their lives back. You may not even have a solid diagnosis yet which means that your meds could change too. You have to learn how to negotiate when you get hit with an illness like psychosis. There’s a lot of bargaining and haggling with doctors. It gets overwhelming but you’re really young and the treatments are going to improve dramatically in the next ten years. Even sooner. Take it from someone who knows, I was a high functioning college student, very popular but had a drug problem. I got sick when I was 24. That was 15 years ago and I’m still holding on. I know it’s worth it still too. Oh I went from having some variant of schizoaffective disorder to being diagnosed with bipolar disorder. So I caught a little break in there too. There’s no reason to think the same night happen to you
Work on getting he right Medicines and right doses. It can take some trial + error.
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Oh yes and I have been completely out of my mind where it seemed like I would never amount to anything and then completely functional a year later working, dating, exercising like a completely normal person. The delusions and hallucinations just up and went away one day and now if I happen to get symptomatic it’s nowhere near as bad as the first time it happened to me.
Hope this helped a little
I just wanted to pop in and say hang in there! Sometimes it takes a bit to get the meds just right. I am happy to hear you’re already feeling better. That’s great
Hi. And welcome. I just want to say it takes time. Don’t try living in the future, you don’t know what future brings. Live now. At this moment. It takes time to find right medication, right therapy, right support group. But if you never give up and keep fighting you will be much stronger when you find your way out of the mess. Don’t try to change everything about you at once. One thing at a time. Your insight of your illness is your key to success.
I agree with this. I was on meds that didn’t do anything for me. Now I’m on meds that are keeping me stable. Abilify to be exact.
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