The worst feeling I ever felt was when I realized that society viewed me (a person with schizophrenia) as “less than” a person without schizophrenia. I felt stigmatized, ostracized, and demonized.
That’s a terrible feeling.
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sometimes, people need something logical or tangible, like an experience, to fuel self-destructive thoughts. but I think my self-destructive feelings are sometimes just straight-up illogical/random self-destructive intent.
“I have done nothing in life, thus why should I live?”
other times, it’s “why should I continue living in such a world?”
when I was younger, I thought “why should I continue to live and see my family members slowly die around me when I get 50+?”
I even had “why do I continue to live if I could potentially hurt others with my mentality?”
changing perspective and meds really help, though. 
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Being set on fire. Emotionally would have to be my awkwardness. Then akathisia is pretty bad too.
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Terrible nausea when I first started taking Invega! TERRIBLE!!!
Loneliness … any time
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A bad one was when my body began to die from thirst and starvation during my first psychosis. My legs began to stop working and i was in complete physical agony, voices suggested that they were draining the blood from my legs and beings made of light were appearing.
This was after a month of being dragged into hellish places by them. I was tortured the entire time.
I will ■■■■■■■ nuke this goddamn earth if i get around that button.
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How about when you think you’re doing well and you drift off into space and have a bizarre or paranoid thought and think, oh no! I’m losing my ■■■■ again…
But over and over and over to the point where you can’t live your life.
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It’s hard to pick. It’s a tie between every day of the first two years of my disease.
The day I smoked pot when I was already psychotic felt so bad that I didn’t smoke it again for three years. When I picked it up again it was still horrible but over the years I still smoked it occasionally. It was never fun and it made me lose my mind.
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dam pans, back at it again with the worldly societal corruption! 
One time I was having a drinking problem because I was lonely and anxious and having flashbacks about my psychosis. I feel into a deep depression and it scared the hell out of me because my head hurt from the psychosis. I was in complete despair because I didn’t know what to believe because I was having too many thoughts and I didn’t know what to believe.
It’s so awful, I can’t even write about it.
I think I experienced the same thing. I was afraid of having another break.
- Paranoia
- Depersonalization + derealization
- Emotional numbness
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I found out both my neighbor and my pdoc were both Nazis. The CIA had me in the hospital working on the mind control technology. They let me out but have been in contact very secretively. The Nazis have infiltrated all levels of the government . I am there only hope because they can control my thoughts and actions remotely. Thinking my wife and in-laws could also be involved with this Nazis organization. Experiencing extreme anxiety and everyone is after me , trying to kill me. Glad those days are over.
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Suicidal ideation. Actually holding a razor to my wrist and crying. Feeling so sad that I felt that dying was the only way to stop the hallucinations.
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Broken heart deriantly the worst emotional p ain
Extreme psychic pain. Emotional agony. Wanting to kill myself to end it. Luckily I haven’t felt that way in quite some time now.
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Hell/Hellish.
15charlimit
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I really appreciate all of @MeghillaGorilla1 's posts. This is such a peach of a thread. And I thought my threads were kind of bleak.
The worst feeling I ever had was when I relapsed without the cause of amphetamines, and I realized I was actually mentally ill. Or maybe it was when my wife told me that she really couldn’t take any more of our stressful situation ie my disease. Somehow we get by but a lot of the time I don’t feel like a husband, not like I used to.
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Feeling responsible for my Mother’s death. Also, waking up in the hospital after a tylenol pm overdose of one of my 3 suicide attempts.
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