Mysoginistic tendencies inside ME. Asking for forgiveness, and etc

Unusual Beliefs
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(Made it 5 days without posting… deleted some things; and maybe I can keep moving forward now…)

I said some stuff on a penis thread(5 days ago) and felt like there was no rectifying THAT. (Prob., the truest reason for me ‘going’)… and afterward … I also questioned what I’m capable of spouting…

For brevity; I pose to fellow community members to ask me questions (if the spirit here, moves you), or toss me an accusation(s) even… And do so - TOO, if you think I merely have a guilty conscience, because I do.

Making people more paranoid on gender matters, women’s rights(human rights), or making men and women trust each other any modicum less, is not the end result I want(ed), or intend(ed).

I’m a good man, decent, and have too many examples of real happiness in my life to ‘not belong on here’ in an O.K. capacity.

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I don’t remember you saying anything offensive. Did any of your comments get flagged?

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Nah, but I basically said/equated that women aren’t ‘sturdy’ OR if you lean on them, they lean away…

AND I ALSO basically said my mom has more masculinity traits, and I like her better… than my dad, due to just THAT.

Thanks for the nibble… I can steer this thread, into something more ‘beautiful’ if given more promptings…

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Some stuff still lingers…

like: ‘am I forgiven?’… and also if someone could reassure me: that ‘hate’ (and wallow!) is not, nor ever, a goal. The water does kinda suck.

It was self deprecating a little, but nobody seems to want to take me away, or out of this ‘bin’. Is my story finished?

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The story of Jussie Smollet upset me. Says SOMETHING about me I suppose.

BUT it’s probably universally agreed he’s an ass, or arsehole… maybe I’m his polar opposite but an arsehole nonetheless.

Maybe I can see another day like him…

I’m sorry! I don’t know what’s wrong with me…

My SIL wants another boy, so there’s that, and she’s good peoples… we have a lot of them in the family already though(boys), and I just …

And I just… don’t think it’s the future.

So there it is. (I’m not a toxic monster in my dealings on the site.)

I conduct my expressions on here in the best faith I can and I do a good job.

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You’re torturing yourself for nothing, I/m sorry you feel this way.

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My therapist who I’ve seen 5 times thus far says I need to forgive MYSELF. We worked on this, she reminded me that I forgive, and therefore many many many others probably do as well.

It was in the context of feeling I have enemies and feel unsafe from reprisals or exactings of revenge… (the whole nine.).

She helped; but forgiving thyself is so hard!!!

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This is what I really think it comes down to for you. You carry minor mistakes with you and berate yourself constantly. We all say dumb things and we all say and do things we later regret. But that doesn’t make you a bad person.

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Thank you for saying all of that. It means so much to have your support and reassurance too.

Funny how so much to say crops up in between appointments it seems like sometimes!!!

But… Thank you once more!!! : )

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