This is just something that’s sort of weird for me. I feel like my symptoms were even worse when I was a young child. My memories start when I was 3 and back then until I was like…8(?) I actually experienced hallucinations, auditory and visual. I was extremely paranoid. Most nights I had a lot of trouble sleeping because of this or I would hide in different places of the house so the monsters couldn’t find me. During the day I was terrified of weird stuff and did things like hide when planes flew overhead for fear they’d abduct me or play close to grounded things on the playground in case gravity reversed because I didn’t want to fall into the sky.
I had a bunch of weird tics. Hygiene it’s hard to say because what little kid is really on top of hygiene? But for me it wasn’t good really. My mom did my hair until I was like 12 for crying out loud. There were numerous other things I neglected until I was pretty old. I had inappropriate responses to things often, especially laughing at things that scared me or that were sad.
Meanwhile I don’t hallucinate anymore really, except very, very mild visual stuff, nothing to the extent what I experienced as a kid. My hygiene is fine now. I still struggle with delusions (though not nearly as much as I used to) and honestly paranoia is probably my worst symptom that I’ve kept over the years. I lost all the tics and weird motor stuff, I don’t respond inappropriately to things anymore, etc. Maybe most of this was due to me gradually developing coping mechanisms and growing up and learning how to seem normal. But I mean, what made the hallucinations go away? That one girl, Jani or something? The kid who was on Oprah who had childhood schizophrenia, I checked up on her story the other day and it said her symptoms had improved over time. What if I had childhood schizophrenia and it also just calmed down into now being this nonspecific psychotic disorder? Who knows. Who knows.
Regardless, I was a really flipping weird kid