About anything ever being wrong with me. Whenever I would get physically sick or have mental health issues as a kid she’d say I was faking, scaring myself into thinking I had something or that whatever I was experiencing wasn’t actually that bad and I was being dramatic. So then when I got older that turned into my own inner narrative and I am having to learn not to beat myself up anymore when I have problems.
I still am always so anxious that whoever I see for health reasons, whether mental or physical, will think I am faking or just a hypochondriac. I actually play dumb quite often and pretend I know less than I do for fear of coming off like someone who googled a sickness and is now convinced they have it.
I am pretty sure now my mom wasn’t really saying those things to me but to herself, trying to convince herself whatever I was going through at the time wasn’t a big deal so that she wouldn’t have to worry or do anything about it. One of my mom’s biggest personality flaws is she always sweeps things under the rug for fear of rocking the boat. But it really messed me up and made me anxious to ever ask for help for anything. I love my mom very much and wouldn’t ever tell her this because I know it would hurt her. She is learning how to improve slowly.