My experience with mental illness. A brief history

Hi. This is a brief history of my experience with mental illness. Maybe, you will relate to some, or all, of it.

I had severe depression from the age of 12, when I was sent to see a psychiatrist. I was medicated with anti-depressants. After a few weeks I tried to kill myself by taking an overdose of them. I was rushed to hospital in a coma. I recovered and the medical staff wanted me to be placed on a psychiatric unit, but my parents were against the idea, and so I was allowed to go home.

At the age of sixteen I was finally placed in a psychiatric unit, due to severe depression. I was there for two weeks.

I experienced my first auditory hallucination in my early 20s (I’m now in my mid-40s). It was subtle in the beginning. As time went by, the hallucinations became increasingly severe and traumatising, including being screamed and yelled at constantly, and having violent and painful tactile hallucinations.

In all, I have been placed in a psychiatric ward on six seperate occasions. I was diagnosed with psychosis first, and then after some months, I was diagnosed with schizophrenia. As I’m sure most of you can relate, it is a daily battle.

I have taken many different anti-psychotics throughout the years, but many were ineffective. I am now on a good balance of atypical anti-psychotics (Seroquel & Amisulpride) and anti-depressants (Effexor). I experience hallucinations everyday and I am frequently paranoid. I used to have delusions about being watched and tracked by space aliens. My memory and concentration is very poor. I have low motivation. But, I still have interest in some daily activities such as making music on my computer.

I am almost a total recluse. I try to avoid all social situations, as I find them overwhelming and stressful. Luckily, I have a supportive family and a best friend who knows and understands me better than myself. I have no interest in having a relationship, as I would find it too stressful. I hope I never fall in love with anyone. I know the pain it can bring.

I have attempted suicide on many occasions including by medication overdose, hanging from ropes and slitting my wrists. I have not been suicidal for years now. It seems I have to accept that I am here for a good reason, even if I don’t know what it is.

Anyway, thanks for reading my post. I am sure most of you will be able to relate to it, if you also battle with mental illness, or at least know someone who does. One thing I know for sure, is that my experiences have made me much stronger and more resilient. It’s certainly been a hell of a ride. Hopefully soon, there will be a cure, or at least better treatment for schizophrenia, that will treat the cause, and not just the symptoms. Anyway, thanks again for reading my post. :slightly_smiling_face:

Best wishes, Michael.

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Keep Fighting Brother and Never Give Up my friend.I had severe syptoms of Paranoid SZ from the age of 15 but was not diagnosied till the age of 31 when i had a severe pyscotic episode and was sectioned for a month.But their is always hope with the right meds i have been practically syptom free for the last 8+ years.

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It’s great that you’ve been symptom-free for over eight years. I would love to be free of my symptoms. Thanks for your reply.

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That’s a real good summary, Michael,

you’re right when you say severe

I don’t think I’ve had it quite that bad

since meds definitely work for me.

Glad you’re still with us, and didn’t die.

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In all those years did you ever try clozapine?

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Thank you. I’m glad I didn’t die too.

I’m glad the meds are working for you.

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Hi Moonwalker. I have tried almost all the anti-psychotic medications, except Clozapine. I was offered it on two seperate occasions and I declined both times. It would have required regular blood checks and I did not like the risks involved.

Although, I have heard many great things about Clozapine and the fact that it really seems to work for alot of people who have not had success on other anti-psychotic medications. Do you take Clozapine?

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No but if invega didn’t work I would have been on it, according to my dr at the time

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Yeah, it does seem like a last resort to take Clozapine. If my current cocktail of medications stop working, I’m sure I’ll be put on Clozapine.

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I also have clozapinophobia

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firstly, @parallelmind, welcome to the forums…I personally don’t mix much as I have social anxiety, but I do find this forum very helpful, I think you will like it here

hopefully you don’t have suicidal thought s any more, that would be an awful thing to do…you should find this site supportive…please keep posting!

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I’m no longer suicidal, due to effective medication. Thanks for being so welcoming, Karl.

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My sza started with several years of panic attacks in my teens then when I was 16 my friend noticed my mood swings started. I also started hearing voices inside my head. My breakdown only came at 18 years after I left school.

I can identify with having depression before psychosis. Usually when I relapse it starts with depression then only after a while the psychosis starts.

I take amisulpride and olanzapine

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