just thinking back to my undiagnosed days of schizophrenia. I think it really started developing at 19-20, I had terrible social anxiety which prevented me from going to my classes in college. all I would do is watch movies, and play video games instead of going to class. I also had disorganized speech and would often come up with outlandish thoughts in my head and blurt them out to friends of mine. and there was some paranoia as well, I thought I was being surveilled and that the cops were out to get me. this was shortly after the patriot act became law, and that just fed into my only delusions at the time. I never saw a psychiatrist and continued to work for money to pay rent and buy groceries for a few years.
despite working I still had problems with negatives, like lack of motivation and some hygiene issues, I would shower, but didn’t like to shave or cut my hair, and was a slob at home. also I would always choose fast food, over cooking for convenience sake.
finally I was forced to see a psychiatrist at age 26 and I was immediately diagnosed. the hallucinations would start a little later that year after I did a 12 day fast, I had also hiked about 200 miles without eating so lost a bunch off weight. then the voices were there to stay until I was about 31 and forced on meds.
looking back, I had, had a psychology class my first year of college, that I actually went to. and had read some of the symptoms of schizophrenia. I knew I fit some of the criteria, but just saw it as institutional bias. I remember thinking that there was nothing wrong with me and that schizophrenia was probably over diagnosed nowadays. just thought it was some behavioral issues some people wanted to medicate and label.
and that’s it. those were the early days for me.