I’ve been contemplating suicide for months. Feeling lots of pain in my chest. I don’t remember how it started but every time I feel a little down I think about dying. And it’s not like I feel a little down like a step down a stair case, a little down is like I have a thought and I trip over it into the abyss.
I don’t really have anybody in real life to go to because 1. I have no friends, and 2. my family doesn’t struggle with mental illness so they don’t know how to handle it. And anybody else in the family who does have one is kind of an outsider like me.
Even if I had friends, I’d be too paranoid to keep any of them. I’m paranoid of people enough as it is and it just seems to be getting worse even though I’m taking my meds.
I’m really sorry to hear that you’re suffering like this, Arturo. Do you have a pdoc and or therapist that you can share this with? Also, the forum is always here for you.
@Tomasina I see my Pdoc only once every 3 months (minimum) because I am “stable”. I don’t like my therapist and I can’t go to his office anyway, he always meets me in public.
@anon35453467 Yes I still work out at the gym and I do socialize but I still have the creeps around people. That’s partly why I think about suicide. At least of right now.
I wish I had some better words for you, @anon1571434. If you need to, please go into ER. You’re a really valuable forum member. And even though things are rough now, you still have a very bright future ahead of you. This is just a blip in the radar.
Is there any way you can get a different therapist - a transfer @anon1571434? In my area the Salvation Army employs Social Workers who are available at no cost to the public. Is that a possibility (or something like it) where you are?
I’ve thought about going somewhere many times but I always think about things I have to take care of outside of the hospital and I end up not going.
I have no idea. But I know that therapists are hard to find and many doctors, not just therapists, don’t like to take medicaid or medicare. (or whatever the government has me on). I am stuck with the current therapist because I can’t find anyone else. I don’t even like him either because he studied his stuff at some religious school or something that he brings with him to sessions. And it’s annoying because he doesn’t do anything to help me, he just talks about himself and then tells me to pray.
Your therapist doesn’t sound very professional. He shouldn’t be pushing religion onto you. You have the right to request a transfer to a different therapist who might fit your needs better.
I’m really sorry you’re hurting this way. You’re a good person and you deserve the chance to be happy. The hospital is always there if you need it, and we are here too. But we are no substitute for a high quality, trained therapist. You really need to find someone you can trust to talk to.
Just ask your therapist to be transferred to someone new. If he works out of a clinic with multiple therapists, it will be easy to just move you to a different person. If he is private, it could be more challenging, but most therapists are very used to these requests. You don’t have to feel bad about it. Just say you guys aren’t really clicking and you’d like to see someone different.
Do you have a social worker? They may be able to assign you one at the clinic you got to or one may be assigned to you by your insurance carrier. You must advocate for yourself and seek assistance. Once you are assigned, they can help you find a suitable therapist.
I just found this website - maybe it’s of interest: