My complex take on life

I am ill with severe schizophrenia and there are forces trying to manipulate me.
For example I recently wrote that I want to go to Vegas Strip.
I constantly have to fight off intrusive thoughts about emigration.
I want to be a strictly religious Jew in Israel, Judaism is the most dear thing to me in the world, Judaism and my fitness, and mathematics.
Israel is my home, I will never again leave Israel, unless it is temporarily to receive medical treatment.
I have very hostile thought content, but I forgive, I forgive everything,
I just want to live in Israel, follow Jewish religion as much as I can, go to the health club every day,
and study mathematics. That , with severe schizophrenia(the way I am now).
If my schizophrenia gets cured, I may try to find a job.
If I fail to find a job in Israel, then yes, I will immigrate.
I won’t tolerate a situation where I am able to work but am jobless.
Life is a TERRIBLE game of give and take.


Amen brother, amen


Maybe your strong desire to leave Israel is actually symbolic of your strong desire to change your situation in life. It’s easier for the brain to process “I hate where I am (living)” instead of “I hate where I am (in life right now)” and I hate where I am living can be solved simply by leaving whereas the other is more difficult to solve.


@Anna I want to STAY in Israel.
Meanwhile unless my schizophrenia gets cured I automatically stay in Israel.
I will only leave, if I can work but unable to get a job.
In that case I will leave.
I will do my best to get a job in Israel,
and if I fail I will travel the world looking for a job.
I am not willing to tolerate a situation where I can work but am jobless.

But before I pack my bags I have to get cured of schizophrenia, and I have to search every nook and cranny
in Israel for a job and hopefully find something in Israel.

Yes I’m not saying you don’t want to stay in Israel, I’m saying potentially your subconscious is changing your feelings of wanting to change your life situation into wanting to change where you live. Your conscious brain doesn’t really understand this because you know you don’t want to leave Israel. It could just be a way your brain is processing that feeling.

That’s just a potential though brains are complicated & confusing

I wouldn’t mind moving to Norway…

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