I guess I’m trying to relate to others and somehow come to the belief this is my brain. I dont believe it is tbh but if others could share their stories that might be helpful. Thanks.
My first encounter was to this day this old lady in my community was getting them to watch me and poison my food. I didnt eat for 8 weeks in my kitchen and when my dad came to clean up he said there was maggots everywhere. I was totally oblivious to this.
My prodomal symptoms were social anxiety, lack of concentration (inwardly distracted), running thoughts, sensitivity to light, and delusions. The illness started with hallucinations, delusions, insomnia, and extreme anxiety.
What was the timeframe for this leading up to becoming fully unwell? @Blizzard
The onset was so gradual that it’s hard to say, but the first thing that made me consider I might be ill was when a shadow figure kept standing right behind me all the time where I could barely see it in the corner of my eye.
Yes mine was about people watching and recording me
I think i had issues with ptsd, attachment and avoidance/social phobia long before becoming psychotic.
Then i got more and more anxious in response to a destructive relationship and unplanned pregnancy.
And then i snapped. I realised my ex-partner was hurting us on purpose and subsequently that other people had been hurting/abusing me. And then i got real paranoid that my ex meant everything he threatened to do and was super hypervigilant. That was the start of psychosis.
Subtle paranoia. I’d worry why people said things the way they said. Probably more about meaning but I was a talker so obsessed about the spoken word. Racing thoughts. Found it hard to get to sleep. I’d say pretty common things in the realms of sz.
Absolute Delusions. I beleived i was talking to God. Had candles burning in the flat with church music playing 24/7 . Covered all the ceilings in Tinfoil so the cameras couldnt see me (it was a basement flat). Thought i was expending alot of energy creating a white circle of light around me, and when i thought i couldnt do it anymore - i ran half a mile to a church to claim sanctuary.
Terribile bloody times - and yet no-one, even when the police was called, picked up that i was psychotic. Was totally let down by the NHS then. Cos i had no bloody idea that i was ill.
I was 17, smoked some skunk and after that I thought everything people said had a creepy double meaning and that my thoughts were audible to people, I could hear them too. My parents didn’t even realise I was psychotic and this went on for months and months. They did take me to a doctor for odd behaviour but I just got put on a course of diazepam. The NHS failed me too.
Lack of eating and not sleeping for days was trigger for me to become psychotic.I heard voices first,and then went out wandering streets.I had to be hospitalised involuntary after three years of avoiding help.
I started having serious troubles in the 11th grade although I had up and down grades after my parents divorced in the 5th grade followed by a school crush ending in a girl leaving town, and a molestation. Before then I was a decent student with bad handwriting and a twin who did better than I did. My schizophrenia developed in earnest at age 23 although there may have been some hallucinating at times during my entire college years and one time in high school when two people behind me seemed to be saying “He barely holding it together.” and then said “get out of our way” when I slowed down to let them catch up with me.
Social anxiety, social withdrawal, lack of concentration, difficulties in academic production, depression : all symtoms usual among teens not specific of psychosis that made the diagnosis difficult
Lack of sleep…
When I was 15 I barely slept, was a terrible student, delusions, anxiety fantasy world, voices at 16. But I had no freaking clue what was going on until I was 22 or so.
Age 14-15 thought a fly in my house had a camera and thought my tenth grade biology teacher was spying on me through the camera, so I started talking to it in so much euphoria and emotion. Also that year I was playing the computer game solitaire and started freaking out cause I hallucinated the whole computer desk falling in. My first voices were my principals spying on me and talking about me starting in 7-8th grade. I think I had a long prodromal period, but 10th grade I had like 2-3hrs of sleep each night so 11th grade when things calmed down in my home life, I was forced to sleep and became overly exhausted in school, started feeling my brain surging (tactile and olfactory) and would see people react in a sad way to me, heard their hopelessness for me by things they said (paranoid teachers were looking at me the whole time and they had secret things they said to me, but turned out to be voices)
Then the first 2months I went on meds I thought a kid was able to change fate and I was supposed to get in a car accident. I heard the kid naming people a pretended I knew them because he was able to read my mind and he knew who was going to die, heard something about a donkey, and got out of the car, dropped my mom’s shirt in the snow, thought that would change things.
I got really paranoid when I smoked weed. After that the delusions came full force and I had to leave school for a bit.
Mine was, beginning at age 15, severe, daily, bulimic bingeing and purging. That went on for 8 years until I stopped cold turkey. When I stopped the bulimia, that’s when the psychosis began. That, I think, was a coincidence.
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