Lost confidence in leaving the flat again

Just not feeling confident enough to leave the flat. In fact am getting my online groceries delivered to my sister as can’t face answering the door.

I have an avoidant personality I think. Have an Amazon delivery tomorrow and am fretting about that

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The more you isolate yourself the more difficult it is to touch grass again…

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Totally. You are 100% correct

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Doc and shrink said I have it. I wanted therapy for it but they didn’t care. Then I read online that it’s a personality disorder. Which means it’s not possible to cure.

I can’t leave my apartment during daytime because of paranoia. Then I have phobias aswell.

I’m reading books on self confidence and self esteem. I’m trying to cure myself. But progress is slow because I’m also too darn lazy.

I hope you’ll at least find a way to get groceries. In worst case scenario you could get pizza or something delivered to you?? I order online (no contact delivery) and tell them to leave the food outside my door.

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I’m sorry you are struggling with it both @el_Jimbobbio and @Speedy

What is it that makes it so difficult to accept an order? It’s just 5 seconds of contact.

I’m trying to better understand

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I get super nervous but I can manage 5secs of contact. It’s going out and meeting people that’s hard. Even if it’s people I know.

Here’s from google…

Avoidant personality disorder is characterized by feelings of extreme social inhibition, inadequacy, and sensitivity to negative criticism and rejection. Yet the symptoms involve more than simply being shy or socially awkward. Avoidant personality disorder causes significant problems that affect the ability to interact with others and maintain relationships in day-to-day life. An estimated 2.1% of Americans has avoidant personality disorder.

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It’s more common than sz!

Thanks for informing me.

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But I have worked on myself for several years now. I still have issues with rejection. I have low self esteem etc. My mind puts a magnifying lens on subtle ques I get from people. And I think it has something to do with me at the slightest notion, if someone reacts in a negative way…

As I said I have worked on myself and can handle rejection better, and also not taking things too seriously. Also I’m 41years old. People are adults now and people seem to be nicer. I’m still a bullied kid in my mind, but I’m trying to realize that I can’t blame everyone for what happened to me. But I have developed a shell around me, I’m also very pessimistic because people treated me badly, I somehow absorbed the attitude of negativity.

I think it’s a combination of genes and trauma that causes avpd. I also suffer from panic attacks so the condition ruined my self esteem and confidence. I have an uncle on my mothers side who’s avoidant and who suffers from panic attacks, I also think my grandfather on my dads side had it. I think I’m an extreme case. Lol!

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I’m sorry that you have to deal with bullying trauma.

I don’t seem to care much about what random people think. I do value the opinions of some people.

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I’m not innocent either Jonathan. I also bullied people. Which I today regret a lot.

I wouldn’t call it trauma. The problem is that my low self esteem and panic attacks turned me into a hermit who isolates. I tried to find a reason why I became who I am. People call me shy. But it’s far more worse than that. I was also deep into psychology etc, so I dug a lot in my mind and self. Which wasn’t good, I couldn’t find any reason except genes. Sure my past somehow triggered me. When growing up I thought I was the ugliest guy on the planet, because of bad experiences with women. Which I today don’t care so much about because as I said I’m old now. My point is that I’m trying to get a fresh start, forget the past. I read up on Alfred Adlers philosophy. He’s one of the less known psychologist but his viewpoint is that you are not your past. I can have a fresh start.

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What are your plans for a fresh start?

A new location? A new study? A new pet?

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I wish I could move. But I can’t afford it.

My cat died five years ago and I still think of him. I don’t want another pet. The pain of losing them is too much for me.

I guess I’ll have to start with a new mindset how I approach things. That’s it…

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Maybe you need a holiday to a retreat or a spa, so you can get some good energy before you start the hard work of transforming your life.

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Haha! I don’t like spas etc…

I’m a simple man. I don’t need much. Except for expensive hifi gear. Lol.

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You also have ‘harder’ retreats like one with Wim Hof (Ice Man) where you take ice baths.

There is something for everyone’s liking :grinning:

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Ice baths?? No thank you.

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You seem to want to change your life out of a sofa.

I don’t know if that is possible.

Would be nice though :grinning:

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Haha, your are right. I need a new game plan… We’ll see tomorrow. Right now I’m too tired to think.

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Okay. I hope you can get some sleep tonight.

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