I’ve been friends with someone for over 10 years. We played basketball together, shared meals, and went to the movies countless times. I know him since his boss is a friend from high school. A much needed friend when I was in the thicket of illness.
He married about five years ago and I didn’t see him at all during this time. He separated recently and we made efforts to get together again, mostly to play ball.
He’s a changed person, and not all of it good. I had him over recently and he made some rude off-hand comments. My parents were home and his behavior created a riff. Then he sends me a text that made no sense and asks for a favor. I ignored his text.
While I am alone most time, I’m not going to tolerate bad behavior. My dad told me he’s likely having issues related to his relationship. Plus I know he’s in pressure with his job. The friend in me says to help him- I’m always giving him advice but they seem to fall on deaf ears.
Friendships end through no fault of either party. I feel like this is what happened. He’s changed and so have I. Our values don’t align anymore. Heck, his skills on the bball court dropped too, he doesn’t hustle.
It’s tough to lose a friend but even tougher is putting up with a bad one. I’ve changed in that I can spot irregularities in character. Not to say I’m without defect but it takes a lot on you for me to notice.
Sorry this is long-winded but losing a friend as a sz is noteworthy. It’s hard for me to stay and easy to say goodbye- how I know the friendship is over.
My neighbor that used to live around the block from me when we grew up was a pretty good friend of mine. We did everything together. We rode dirt bikes in the land across the street from our neighborhood together. We raced dirt bikes together at motocross tracks. We drank and smoke marijuana together. He was a drummer in a metal band and he sold me a drum set and we both loved playing drum sets. We talked about girls together. Then he moved away. And then ironically we got a vacation house in Florida. And we hooked up on Facebook and found out we were living in the same city in Florida. And he was playing in a band at the bars there in Florida. So I went to see him play. I couldn’t even keep a conversation with him in between his band breaks. He was in a relationship with a female who had a son from a previous relationship and she was calling him like every 15 minutes. She had him wrapped around her finger. And then he started making radical racist political comments. The comments actually insulted my culture. And my parents found out. They told me they didn’t want anything to do with him. He actually had no time for me as the female he was in a relationship with had him totally tied up. But at my parents request I no longer communicate with him in anyway.
Just be strong, I lost about 3-4 friends after they said they could, but couldn’t accept my illness. My psych said there are about 50/50 when it comes to good and bad, and I feel he is right… I’m hoping to find new friends, you too?
I was so excited to hang out with him again and have a teammate to go to the gym with. It speaks to our friendship; I see him as a brother.
Thanks for your thoughts.
@Dude1
Situations never turn out the way we want or expect. Thinking of the way things used to be. Life happens and relationships change- unfortunately, we sz usually get the short end of the stick.
Sorry to hear about your lost friendship. Friends come and go in life, I’ve found.
I hope I’ve been a good friend to my few friends IRL. I need a lot of space and solitude, so I’m sure they view me as a flake sometimes lol. I think they understand, though, plus they are all usually busy as they have families and jobs, etc.
Who knows, maybe you guys will become friends again down the road