Listening vs Speaking

I work in sales so it’s my job to talk. I’m adept to it as I’ve been in sales for the past 9 years. But in social settings, I’m still a wreck. My socializing consists of 12-step meetings and an occasional date.

Sometimes I stay too quiet when I should speak up and sometimes I can’t shut up. As I see it, it’s a dammed if you did dammed it you didn’t type deal. Either way I usually end up ruminating about the whole thing.

My guess is most sz stay quiet and prefer to observe or check out than participate. What’s your modus operandi when being social?


I genuinely enjoy knowing how people are doing more than telling how I’m doing…


I think it’s a 50/50 thing. Doesn’t always have to be tho like if someone’s having a bad day. Give and take


I am described as taciturn in person. I am quiet to the extent I can unnerve people.


I have trouble hearing people in group settings because i cant focus on 1 voice. I just hear them all at once plus whoever is nearby plus all the other noises.
So i take 5mg of ritalin before group meetups and that seems to help me.

For years id just see lips moving but the information is just going bye bye.

Maybe a small coffee would help? I used to just have coffee in the past. Not too much though or you would be nervous.

Maybe a green tea instead is more energising yet calming.

I usually try to pick out something i can make a joke about. Thats my natural style though. Im not a serious person in general.


Sometimes I take initiative in conversation, but usually I follow the other person(s) lead. I think it’s more because of a foggy brain from meds than a lack of confidence. It’s easier to follow than lead.


For conversation tip.

Ask questions so that the others can keep talking and you can just chill.

Learn how to nod and say things like "oh yeah? , oh interesting, wow thats wild, no way? 100%, i agree, that makes sense.

Just canned responses.

I have literally trained myself to respond and ask questions even if I dont know whats being talked about much.


I have that too. When there is a lot of chatter in the background at lively settings I can’t hear most of what people are saying around me, while it looks like the others manage it. I think it might be a gene thing.


Like i was at a korean restaurant on sunday and my friends friend had their birthday. So i asked how old they were turning, they said 34. So i said well then that means you have to eat 34 pieces of meat. Hes oh no wait im only 20. And everyone was laughing.

That breaks the tension and everyone is chill and then there all chatting and i can go back to relaxing.


There’s that. Also the coughing, clothes rustling, people moving and tapping things, etc. Everything all at once.

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I think I may have a bit of this:

auditory neuropathy spectrum disorder (ANSD) can have genetic causes. ANSD is a condition where the messages from the ear to the brain are jumbled or do not reach the brain properly, leading to difficulties in understanding speech clearly. Children with ANSD may struggle to differentiate sounds, experience fluctuating hearing, and have challenges with speech comprehension.


Absolutely. Sometimes i wear earplugs as well. Ive got some that are clear that no one can really tell i have in.


Haaaaah. Mine are bright orange. Nothing like sending a message.


Yeah im not surprised we have sensory issues considering psychosis is senses that arent actually real.


Haha proud of you bud. :facepunch:. I just dont want to try to explain to asian people who dont speak much english lol.

Oh thats my other pro tip!

Make friends with people who dont speak your native language well. Less talking more laughing :grin:


My parents liked to remind me of my selective hearing lol.
Just as much as id get overloaded by sounds i could also get so engrossed in something maybe it was one single sound like someone moving there hand on the couch then id only hear that.

Actually my wife says im painfully obvious when i notice something visually different. I jist have this mile long stare and i have no idea im doing it.

She will ask like “yes? What is it…” and ill be like oh there was a crumb on your shirt or there was a wrinkle on it that looked interesting.

Ive done it to people in public too many times :laughing:

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I didn’t mean to offend by saying sz observe or check out in social settings. Voices is not a part of my illness and I’m able to listen and speak without going off the rails. It’s more a ptsd thing with me, my first experience with psychosis occurring in a public area with lots of people around.

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Maybe just exposing yourself to more situations where you have to practice speaking and listening it will improve over time.

Im in an office mon-fri so i have to engage at some point daily. I was pretty nervous when i first started but now im good at it.

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Thanks for the encouragement but it’s really not up to me at this point. If I get nervous, anxious, or on the brink of panic, not much to do but breathe and count to ten.

Conversations and external noises spilling onto and into each other is something I’m able to avoid. It’s the overthinking.

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You could try taking a beta blocker itll atleast slow the physical component.

I used beta blockers for months at work while i had to make phonecalls.
Basically i had so much anxiety about making calls in a quiet open office that my thoughts would get blocked and i wouldnt know what to say then id just hang up the phone.

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