Life, sexuality,ilness, addiction
1 Like
Head, pressure, senses, clutched
1 Like
Do you really live in the Maghreb?
thought i would say hi.
take care 
I guess im born with a schizo affective disorder, but the real issue is me identifying myself to normality during my whole life.
My question is to know what iam, from wearing my moms shoes and underwear when i was a kid and i recall being a 6years old with an erection to entering that room in our backyard where that peasant woman took her underwear when i was around 8, it was talking of that experience that my psychoanalyst told me it has to do with abuse…
From that point on iam an asexual teenager, smoking joint and soaring to music from coldplay and radiohead. Then at 17, having my puberty around 16, i have my first girlfriend…in love i was, but having sex several times for hours with her i couldnt come, it didnt really make a difference for me i was already a living dead since i lost my brother in a car accident that same year.
I then was at a party that my friends got me to meet that women in her 30’s whom i had sex with and came, only to know later she is a prostitute.
I from then on had several relationships wo were sexually alright, i guess it’s around my 20’s that i get finally diagnosed with my illness…from my perspective: i always batlled with my condition, i just felt now unmasked and they acted like police no more weed and hello strong mollecules that made me feel handicaped. I guess it helps! Since it reduce your dopamine but ■■■■■ you up on so many levels… The worst was having to come back from what nature and destiny has called me for, to stay home with my parents. Crazy sick in some countries, can be called a guru, in some other an imaginative artist and if authority want a danger for himself and others . Im asking who is not ?
My body i calling me to flea, my spirit wanna go have a little tea with the devil but my sick mind is tellin me to behave and stay around to take care of others, since i believe those who are suffering are those who would give the most.
As for people who are wondering about the symptoms one of the most annoying are voices wispering, it hurts for me physically, it tires you and make it hard to connect and when you’re feeling good with someone being intense and it hits you sometimes look like you wanna kill the first person you would find…i lived with that and never asked myself too much it just made me feel like i had to fight not to betray those i love, its later on i discovered i was jus a different type of animal
It also is like bi polar, depression and its contrary.
Please let me know about some directions for relief for me and mines.