Firstly, I love my new med combination for several reasons, not the least of which is that it works; however, the relief of psychosis comes at a cost, as too many of us know. For months now I’ve been mostly free of hallucinations and/or delusions, but I’ve also been free of libido. Being an unmarried woman, most people, including and importantly doctors, shrug off this side effect as though it is no issue. The attitude seems overwhelmingly to be, “Well, you’re not married.”
No, I’m not. This doesn’t mean I don’t want to have sex. I want to WANT to have sex, but I don’t. The thought of bringing this to the attention of my doctor, besides being awkward, also seems futile. After all, is there an anti-psychotic medication on the market that doesn’t have this as a potential side effect? One I HAVEN’T been on? No.
I’ve spent my entire life convincing myself that being “normal” is a thing to be dreaded. I can’t help thinking at this point that it’s all been a lie. What I wouldn’t give to get up in the morning and go to bed at night without a pill ritual. What I wouldn’t give to make love and enjoy it. I know I’m not the only one. I’m one of many, but I don’t want to be.