Had a good discussion with my psychiatrist today, Dr. Raj (formerly Ash Raf - still can’t pronounce his name but am happy to accept his invocations). I’m still nervous about going back there, but he agreed to send me an email with some details on clozapine for me to study, so hopefully we can correspond from now on with a bit more physical distance. The hospital is not always scary, only when I’m relapsing, my dreams become paranoid, and I can’t separate friend from foe. Perhaps it is me who is practicing too much geometry 
Well that’s good that he gave you info on clozapine. Do you want to try it? It’s good that you’re less afraid of the hospital.
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