I think I’m buckling under the stress of life. The puppy is too much and I regret the decision honestly. She’s going to be a puppy for like a solid year or more. Dogs aren’t even really fully grown until they’re like 2 in my opinion. And they continue to have puppy like boisterous energy until around 4 or 5 when they start cooling down I won’t even be at home then I get to be here exclusively during the most stressful time. It’s stronger reinforcement that I do not ever want children and could not handle them even if I did.
I adore her and she is not a bad puppy at all, and training has been making good progress, it’s just too much work. Nothing to be done about it though as we aren’t giving her away or anything.
My parents are going away this weekend for my brother’s soccer tournament and I wish they were taking the dog with them but I think my mom wants the break from her as bad as I do. The thought of being almost solely responsible for her for 2 entire days (my brother is coming home to help some but I have to teach him how to do everything & I’ll probably still be doing the majority of the work) is extremely daunting to me and my brain has been throwing suicidal temper tantrums over it.
I need a break.
summary: life is too much to handle right now, I’m grateful that my puppy is a learning experience and teaching me my limits of what I can and can’t handle for the future mental health wise but it is so, so hard right now, and I’m almost entirely responsible for her this weekend when my parents go on their trip for my bro’s soccer which is so stressful to me
I feel so alone but even in my lonely misery it is not enough for me to want to die. Just think anything is possible. Your life could change one day and u cud b much happier. They could even invent a permanent cure for schizophrenia
It’s not necessarily an energy thing we can drain her just by playing as she’s tiny it’s that she needs constant attention and training. Always having to make sure she’s not chewing something she shouldn’t or pottying in the house, taking her out constantly, making sure she’s safe outside, teaching her how not to be too aggressive when she plays, how to become acclimated to 500 different things like kennel and harness and grooming and walking and people and dogs and being alone when necessary and how to wait quietly for things and oh my god.
I’m just not used to having something in my life requiring constant CONSTANT focus. Again I made a responsibility to her so I’m going through with it but swear to god never again.
I was going through something similar with my dog recently.
He developed a cough but I was stressed because I couldn’t take him to the vet myself. Never was ‘my’ dog to begin with. Everyone just went their way and left him to me.
After several weeks of him coughing it was stressing me and making me sad because no one seemed to care to help - even though there are like 4 ‘capable’ adults in the house.
He just kept going around coughing and yelping from fleas making him itch all day and night. He was so exhausted that after I finally got him a bath to get rid of his fleas, he slept very quickly.
I mean, he just got the relief he needed so the cough wouldn’t be triggered. With that, he kept falling asleep despite all the noise in the house. And he slept for a good 12 hours.
It was very heart wrenching holding my tongue. I wanted to shout at everyone so bad.
After a while I put my foot down and did start shouting.
It’s a much longer story, but I want to keep this short.
Only encouragement I can give is just to cry for yourself if you feel like it. Or shout too.
edit: When they got him to the vet, they found he had an enlarged heart. Same thing that killed his sister. So it added to the heartbreak.
You’re right I’ve been procrastinating doing so because I’ve really wanted vraylar to work out for me. I emailed him just now. I haven’t really felt myself since starting the higher dose of this med.
I feel like I want to die when I get overwhelmed too. I was secretly so happy when my allergies went off the hook when I got my puppy and I had to find him a new home, it was just too much work. I love dogs so much and really want that bond but puppies are too much. If I didn’t have the allergies I would go with an older dog, a recycled one lol
I’m glad you contacted your pdoc @Anna. I suspect that there may be multiple factors that need to be looked at in terms of how you’re feeling currently (e.g., meds, stress, etc.).
Ah having an animal can be stressful but you sound much more responsible than I am. I can barely clean up after my cats. I’m sorry you’re feeling this way though
