Knowing you are odd but not knowing how you are odd

I have always accepted I am a little odd because I got bullied at school, and children/teenagers tend to pick on children who are different.
However precisely how I am odd beyond the broad level of being introverted,shy,bad at small talk and initiating conversations,physically and socially awkward, escapes me.
Obviously I present in certain ways IRL and to a lesser degree online that it’s hard for me to gel with other people.

I think I tend to back off from situations where social interaction might be involved because how I am is a red flag for people to be negative or even outright hostile towards me.
Have been agonising over what my public school house master said many years ago in response to a letter by my local vicar about my being bullied . He said “Unfortunately he is the sort of boy that invites this treatment’. Although on the level of blaming the victim it was a crass thing to say it does indicate that certain boys/girls are seen as all too obvious targets for negative peer reactions, and a " Well what did you expect?” attitude from teachers and other adults.

It may be wrong, and a sign of a certain degree of societal sociopathy, that adults/children who are different become the target of negativity, but on an immediate and practical level one needs to fit in in order not to be a victim of that abuse and negativity.

However how to fit in when only broadly knowing how you are different/socially awkward is the question. Also how to maintain your basic goodness in a world that tends to value conformity, even if you are a nasty so and so ,over being good but different .

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I don’t have an answer. The world needs to grow the F**k up and raise their children to be kind and respectful. I got targeted and bullied (quite extensively, really) as an adult by other adults for various reasons. It is a horrible, lonely feeling. Nowadays, I come across as quite typical, I would imagine. I never talk about my chronic delusion that, if I did, would make me QUITE odd indeed. I know I am odd but most people don’t.

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I can’t know if it was a dream or real when I made that skit over girls getting their wings

Would have liked my parents to take more presence

hi @firemonkey
i was bullied mostly verbaly but i do know why (because im feminised + crazy)

and just like you i was wondering whats wrong with the world and ive been mad at it
as im getting older ive changed my priorities
now i want to peacefully spend the rest of my life far far away from people who are not kind

so i dont know in what way you are odd but i have a proposal for you…
surround youself with kind and caring people! and you will see miracles starting to happen

Knowing i’m odd and knowing that they don’t know how i’m odd.

He says “if they find out you can see them they’ll kill you.” I couldn’t see though, it was someone else that could see, i shouldn’t have known what my problem was but hey someone’s watching right and they are very powerful.

Did you know that sparking a volcanoe is like super easy yo, like really really easy, omg it’s like they could just ■■■■■■■ blow this whole place up depending on certain factors, omg.

I’m odd enough to know I only ‘fit in’ for a short time when around others, and have known it all my life, not that it’s ever really been a huge problem for me.

That describes me before diagnosis. Now I know why I’m “odd”

Some people are odd or socially awkward because of undiagnosed Asperger’s or Autism. They are somewhere on the scale but unfortunately sub-clinical and so do not get the help they need.

In my situation, I was OK one day, then SZ the next.

Having looked into it quite a lot I see aspects of Asperger’s but actually think I fit Non verbal learning disorder order better.

That having been said I took the AQ test at aspietests.org as I wanted to see if I might score differently than previous times. I scored 37 which I have scored before. It also said I would have scored 8 on the AQ10.

A score of 32 or above indicates a high probablility of an autistic spectrum disorder. AQ-10 is an experimental short form of the AQ using 10 of the most statistically effective questions. A score of 6 or above indicates a high probability of ASD. Note that this is probably less accurate than the full test.

I had previously asked my sister to score me on the RAADS-R. She scored me 163 with the cut off point for ASD being 65.

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I know exactly how I’m odd and how odd I am. Saves me embarrassment. But what I don’t know is how to act like a normie. I have no clue how their brains tick. Can’t copy them one bit.

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just pretend you are right all the time, and agree with what everyone else thinks.

who agrees with me??!?!!?

The “always right” behavior’s too cringe-worthy for me. :frowning:

but if everyone else thinks it then it must be true!

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