I want to kill myself so bad. I don’t have much hope.
@laetitia Have you told your medical team this?
When I lived in my auto in America I often had suicidal thoughts (2000-2002), but these passed when I learned to think more positively and became interested in the future and how it all ends. Now 20 years has passed and everything turned out quite well. You too can overcome these suicidal thoughts. Just think that the future will be better.
No, and they won’t care. And they’ll tell my mom who in turn will yell at me.
Plus, I don’t have a medical team. I have a psychologist/psychiatrist who just talks to me for 15 minutes.
I’m happy for you, but I’ve lost hope.
As long as you are alive there is always hope. I have told this story many times here on the forum. When I lived in my auto in Miami I often met different types of people. It was the 4th of July in 2001 when I met one old Jewish man in North Miami Beach. During the 2nd WW he did not go to the concentration camps such as Auschwitz but he chose to fight the NAZIs in the forests of Poland. And there he was decades after telling me his story. He had hope even under the NAZI administration. He also told me to eat two eggs a day which improved my diet when I lived in my auto. You have always some hope and there is the light in the end of the tunnel.
Do you have an idea or know out of experience what would make you feel better? I like a cup of tea after a hot shower. Listen to some music. Browse this forum. Try to find something.
Hope you’re learning to put 2 and 2 together and see how the standard approach isn’t working.
You need to rethink these things for yourself or you’re only going to feel trapped in this cycle.
This is a cycle I’m also in. But the key to stopping it is self-inquiry. You have to realize most people in this current era are wounded themselves and aren’t capable of care taking our deepest feelings tenderly.
I think it’s important to ask yourself what does your ideal life look like and what would be the steps you have to take to get it? You don’t feel this way for no reason; there’s something causing you to feel this way and getting what we want is key to getting relief.
“Coping” is certainly not a good strategy long-term. Coping implies we have no desire to change anything or that we don’t feel that we can. Can you see how that is?
I’ve had no hope before too. Things worked out for the best for me, though. Maybe you should talk to a pdoc. If things get too bad, and you can’t get help there remember the crisis lines. Above all, don’t kill yourself.
@laetitia I want to tell you that recovery is possible.
It is possible for you to recover.
And it is also possible for you to recover without support from society or with weak support.
I have basically managed to recover just with the support of my parents.
You should strive to improve your control of your own thoughts and to improve your level of functioning.
I used to have intrusive thoughts like you have now but I overcame it.
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