Because every time I do it seems those memories become more twisted and dour than before…and old pains and misery are fresh once more.
Know thyself, the saying goes, but when one’s self is full of woes is it not best to set up shop in the present? Why obsess on the storms of long ago when you’re trying to survive one in the moment? Perhaps to draw from past wisdom and locked up knowledge. Or so you’d think when in reality…it’s all just baggage…
While it hurts my heart to bash introspection at times intense and fixated reflection seeking to find answers that don’t exist can lead one into trouble. So I’ll just try to survive for now.
I struggle with constant thoughts of the painful past as well. It can be very distracting from life. Accepting that there will be no accountability or apology for much of the abuse is painful but that’s life, as they say. I wish I had some words of wisdom. I struggle with the same thing. Maybe meditation could be helpful or activities to distract you. Good luck (to both of us)
I think that’s very wise to say there will never be apologies… When you’re wronged as a child, I think there’s a drive to “make it right”, but there will be no participation from the abuser(s).
What happens as a child shapes who you are, It sets you on the wrong paths in life and follows you forever, weather you want to think about it or not, My mind does not remind me everyday of my past, Try to do better, and move along, but there will always be obstacles from the past that effect you, even if you are unaware of them going on.