Same with me pretty much; I don’t need to know why anything is especially if I can’t understand it, I feel comfortable with the idea nearly all things in the universe are out of human control and I honestly hope I just rot in the ground when I die.
I wish more sz patients could get to this grasp of reality. Having worked with psychotic patients for almost 30 years now, it’s obvious to me that so much of delusionality is really attempts to “understand” what cannot be understood (or at least, not very easily) for the sake of controlling what cannot be controlled.
That’s why I keep dumping that list of cognitive therapies on one thread after another: They got me over that hump. (Because very few people are going to make up the hill to where someone like Alan Watts, Chogyam Trungpa, Stephen Levine, Joel Kramer, Arthur Deikman, Charles Tart or Jiddu Krishnamurti lives (or lived)… and it’s not really necessary – for the sake of emotional comfort, at least – that they do.)
forgiveness is a tricky thing, its really tricky i don’t think i have had forgiveness, i hope i have but i don’t know,
apparently i can be forgiven for all my sins but i still don’t know how,
i would like to be forgiven though, i think it would make me feel a bit better about myself
i don’t need to carry all that guilt around with me that makes me sad, guilt is like a plague on the heart, eats into your soul i’d like to get rid of all that rubbish, take care
The sad thing is people who can’t even be clinically diagnosed with any form of a delusional disorder even turn to this fantastic and magical way of thinking to cope with the fact the world is almost entirely out of control from our hands.
I probably have the logic rivaling that of a Vulcan from Star Trek even with schizophrenia that by nature is going to be a crutch towards my rationality. But is human logic really so universal? My cat has a logic that makes little to no sense to me that appears to make everything more impractical but you’d think she would try something different if it wasn’t working so well for her. I also stopped getting mad at programming when I realized computer logic is nothing like human logic so despite the fact the code looks like it should work, it probably won’t.