Why do I miss my illness when I’m doing so well? I miss the voices and depression and yet I’m so happy now without them.
One thing I’m terrified of is if my sza returns and I lose the spiritual closeness with God that I got over the last two months. I’m scared that if my depression returns I will lose intimacy with God again. And yet adversity can draw me close to Him.
But why would I miss my sza? It’s like I feel like I’m not me if I’m not battling sza. Like my wellness is Alien to me.
Weird!
U miss the madness that you think defines us!
me too 
The world doesnt understand us. we need to keep it locked up !!
I still think its crazy that i once saw you driving past lol.
What were the coincidences of that
Sza has become like an old pair of comfy jeans to you. Change is hard for everyone. Just remember that being healthy is like getting a new pair of jeans, and the longer you wear them the comfier they are
I felt like my imagination died when I stopped hallucinating. I literally didn’t know what to think about.
I wouldn’t miss the voices, they’ve hurt me too many times for me to have any kind of attachment to them.
I need uninterrupted silence in my mind to think about things. I don’t need some A.I. routine opining on everything I come up with, making me feel micromanaged.
are you accident prone and wanting to feel something for the first thing in your life,
like pain and suffering. Let me check, there’s a term for it. ridiculous.
Masochism. that’s the term.
One of the things the mind most wants is predictability, even if it is bad. If you’re encountering too much that is new you can sometimes sabotage it. Try not to do that.
Very well said @LilyoftheValley! 
Thanks @Persia!!!
to me my sz is like an old skin that i need to shed and grow a better skin, its not something that i like, i dont hate my illness, just wish it would go away and with the help of my meds it has mostly.
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