It’s been a year since I became stable and began performing to my ability in school. I have recovered pretty much to as good as it gets, I never thought I would be here. I am now socially functioning, I have friends, I go out on the weekends, I date people, I am trying to find the right person. I am doing well with bodybuilding, I am 5ft7in and 180lbs with a 29in waist.
Take your meds, fight through the pain and do your best not to look back, unless you are doing so under a therapist’s supervision. It can hurt to look back, I accept the past but that doesnt mean I have to think about it every day. Like Robin Williams said in Good Will Hunting- “It’s not your fault.”
Anyways, I start my junior year of college tomorrow. I am studying psychology on a full academic scholarship, I won that when I was mentally healthy and have kept it. I take school seriously and havent made a B since I got on medication.
But this is all just within a year- I used to just cut half of my classes, stay home and drink energy drinks and cheap liquor, smoke a pack a day, sometimes more, and play video games.
We can all recover and be whoever we want to be and do whatever we fricking want to. Don’t let people tell you that you can’t do something. Do it and make sure they know you did it.
Don’t accept the diagnosis as a death sentence- accept the odds as a challenge. I was given a morbid prognosis- suicide by my middle ages and continued substance abuse, unless I got on medication, stayed on it, and made an immense effort to regain my sanity and have a normal life. I was also told that I would have no friends. Obviously I took that on as a challenge to NOT be who I was “most likely” to become. Of all of the things I was told when I was diagnosed, I was told one thing that didnt make me want to just die- the psychologist said “If you overcome this, you will make an incredible shrink.”
So hopefully I will make straight A’s for the rest of my time in undergrad and get into a clinical master’s program. That and continue to live well, taking care of myself and being a son, a grandson, a nephew, a brother, a cousin, a friend, a boyfriend, a bodybuilder and last but not least, a recovered, highly functioning schizophrenic.