So I mentioned to my therapist about trying Effexor next and she told me that I needed to stay on meds for a while for them to have full therapeutic benefit and basically questioning if I was ready to take on that commitment. To be honest I now have a history of noncompliance with meds, haven’t taken a single med that I haven’t also dropped cold turkey due to side effects. My therapist mentioned before in frustration that maybe I was not a good candidate for medication because I don’t stay on it. But I feel like I still can’t promise I’m going to stay on this med for at least 9 months like she wants because what if I immediately experience strong negative side effects like I did with lexapro that were instantly intolerable?? Or what if other things happen down the road? I am so sensitive to medication that I can’t guarantee what will happen. I don’t know what else to do though.
Personally I think meds re personl choice
I think it’s unreasonable to expect you to stay on meds with bad side effects
But some side effects come along with taking the meds.
I chose to take meds im not sure if that was a good idea or a bad one LOL
I get to sleep on seroquel that’s. Good thing.
Have a long hard think bout it.
Tcx
I was on Effexor for 7 years and it took me months to get used to it. I had really bad suicidal thoughts when I first started taking it.
It doesn’t seem fair that she doesn’t trust you to give it a try. You’re trying to get help for yourself. Doing something is better than doing nothing, isn’t it?
In her therapist’s defense, Anna pointed out that she has an extensive history of non-compliance. It’s an issue that Anna has been working on for a while here. Her therapist is justified in this concern.
I was devastatingly sedated off seroquel for 18 months. Has passed now but was hell at the time. I think pdoc should be given samples of APs just to see how bad they can be.
Fair enough, that’s understandable.
I completely agree. They just seem clueless. And when you’re experiencing such terrible things it’s awful to just be told to suck it up for however long it takes to stop, if it ever stops.
Anna, I understand what you mean with immediately intolerable effects. I had homicidal akathisia on Prozac, and I was urged by my doctor to stay on it and just deal with it. I’m not sure what would have happened if my mom hadn’t refused to allow me to continue on the drug.
In the case of APs, though, it does seem like your threshold is pretty low. It takes time to adjust to meds, and if you do need to stop, it’s necessary to stop wisely and under a doctor’s guidance. You’ve stopped unilaterally a few times with very frightening results.
You’ve mentioned before that your underlying desire to be psychotic may be part of the reason that you have so much trouble with compliance. How are you feeling about that now?
Yes my threshold is quite low. I feel it’s because I’ve experienced so much internal crap that I now have very little tolerance for external crap, especially if I can choose not to deal with it. Also according to my therapist I am just biologically sensitive to meds, as on the flip side though I experience side effects intensely, I can also experience benefits at fairly low doses of meds.
To answer your question I still feel very conflicted about it. My psychosis and I are in an abusive relationship. That’s the best metaphor I can find. I feel most alive when I am psychotic.
Honestly, I think she should let you take a shot with Effexor. You have a better track record with ADs than APs - you stayed on one for a very long time and stopped pretty unwillingly, right? I don’t know if they are still tossing psychotic depression and sza depressive around for you, but if it’s the former, you may get the psychosis under control along with the depression.
I don’t know that requiring a 9 month commitment is fair. 3 months might make more sense, with the agreement that you won’t stop without consulting her and working out a safe plan to quit. Talk with her about it again, and be prepared to make a few concessions. Her concerns are valid, but there should be room for compromise here.
Yes I have been better with ADs. The first one I tried, Lexapro I quit after 2 doses because it was just that bad. But Zoloft I was on for nearly a year I think and I did try putting up with the urinary retention until it literally got so bad I wasn’t sleeping at night. I’ll bring it up with her. I am hoping getting the depression under control will help improve everything overall.
Thanks rhubot 
You are always so kind and thoughtful
I’ve probably said this before, but have you considered injections?
Some of the newer meds are quite good…
I was on Effexor for a little while years ago. My personal experience with it was that it didn’t have any unbearable side effects, but the initial period of adjusting to it actually made it feel like a street drug, like I felt high. Had no anxiety, no sadness, no anything negative, like a state of none of it, which I had never experienced before in my life. I actually had a tendency to smile or laugh easily, and found it very hard to focus on anything in the same way as being like stoner-high. It made it difficult for me to do my job (which was very demanding, fast paced and required attention to detail and talking on the phone a lot), and that’s the only reason I went off of it. Years later I tried to get multiple different psychiatrists to let me try it again (since I wasn’t working and could afford to feel “high” as hell for a while), and none of them would let me have it. It was like they could perceive that I really wanted it, and even though ADs aren’t really ‘street value’ drugs, I think they responded to how much I honed in on it and dug in their heels as a result.
But ALL that said personally I would say go for it if you want to try an AD. For me Effexor was the effin bomb.
As far as compliance, I think talking about it frequently helps, on here or especially with a therapist who is respectful and validating when it comes to your concerns, not condescending or dismissive. A lot of the time just talking about nervous concerns can help a lot when perspective is needed.
I’ve always had worse negative symptoms off meds then on. Not sure what will help other then I take my sups as well as meds which help with the negatives a list omega-3, genko a ton of other things all helps. Defiantly a mistake to rely on meds alone and the research of Omega-3 these days the health benefits without even looking into mental health. Maybe talk that through with your tdoc and pdoc.
I’d like to see you on meds. As @Rhubot says, there’s a compromise in there somewhere. Some side effects go away as your system gets used to them. But if they’re intolerable, then you have no choice but to stop. 9 months is too long in my opinion.
But there’s plenty of ADs and APs for you to at least try. I know it’s not easy. But the alternative sounds like a horror show.