I think I’m always sort of worried I will be embarrassed by my symptoms if I get them while I’m with other people or out in public and a hallucination comes up or I start dissociating badly or what if I have that ideas of reference thing, I even hate dealing with anxiety when other people are around me I just feel so put on the spot. I just want to crawl in a hole and be left alone when I have symptoms, it’s embarrassing to me. Do you ever feel that way?
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I hear what you’re saying @tera.
I guess I’ve always hated being in a vulnerable… spot, in front of others? I hate when people pity me, or feel bad for me, and I don’t really know why actually. I just don’t like being in a position where people have the control over me and my feelings…
That’s why I hate being vulnerable because that’s when people can hurt me or turn things against me. I have no clue if that’s a paranoid thought, or my inability to trust people, or a combination of both.
I don’t know if I think that schizophrenia itself is embarrassing, but it’s not like I talk about my mental illnesses at the dinner table. I’d like to have the stigma broken around mental illnesses, but that means I’ll have to reveal my mental illnesses, which will lead to, like I said, me being in a vulnerable spot. If that makes sense?
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I know what you’re saying about being vulnerable too, I don’t like it. I want to stand on my own two feet. But since I’ve gotten married that has changed a bit because I do trust my husband and with him I feel safe to be vulnerable sometimes.
You know what’s weird, I was just feeling great a minute ago, then I did the dishes and I felt all the kind of weird emotions hitting me and I started crying and then it just stopped and now I’m fine. What the hell is going on with me? I know I hate doing the dishes but that’s a little extreme isn’t it? lol
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I relate strongly to this. It happens to me all the time, ever since my head injury.
Having symptoms in front of other people is embarrassing, but I’m lucky enough to be in a position where everyone I hang out with already knows I have sz, so they don’t mind. We all just laugh it off later.
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what head injury did you have?
I worked in a school for kids with behavioral disorders, and one of them bashed my head into a brick wall repeatedly. It took six people to pull him off me.
I’m so sorry that happened to you. That’s gotta hit you like a criminal assault, I mean that’s what it is, even though it was a child.
Not technically a child. He was 16, and about a foot taller and fifty pounds heavier than me.
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Yes, sz is embarasing expecially when you want to work…
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One of my last shifts I worked I had to call a floor supervisor over to cover the cage because I was having symptoms and couldn’t fake my way through it with my customers. It was totally embarrassing. I knew it wouldn’t be long before I was out but I didn’t know how long I would be off work, it’s been 4 1/2 years I think, jeeze louise. I wish I was ready to go back.
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@tera
Could you still do your job at the cage?
I don’t think I could work right now. I think my symptoms are worse now then when I left actually.
But maybe, it’s amazing what you can do if you have to. I know they would rehire me any time I asked
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I can’t work either.
Although I suppose daze used to say I was a “working artist”
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Feel this very often
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@tera
Thanks.
I asked because I was wondering if it was just embarrassing.
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It is important to have an activity, to be usefull to society. That helps a lot and pay the bills.
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I consider embarrassing a big deal, I guess I’m too vain. Plus I’ve gained 100 pounds so I don’t know if I could stand for 9 hours, and I am very unattractive right now and looks do matter at a job with the public. And I guess I’m embarrassed by that too. I’m just a big ole’ embarrassed mess, poor poor pitiful me!
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@wiligv I am very useful to society because the whole world revolves around me, haven’t you heard? Seriously, you are right, and I feel that part is missing from my life. Even though the last job I was doing was just a banker at the local casino I still felt I was contributing by teaching my children to work no matter what. It’s been hard to tell them sometimes people just can’t work and why without scaring them. I want them to know it has to be a good reason but I don’t want them to waste their childhoods worried about me anymore than they probably already do.
@tera
I can empathize with you, for I often talk out loud. Sometimes people make ‘fun’ of me, but I’ve got to the point that I see it as their problem (took me a long time).
Eleanor Roosevelt said: Nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent.
It takes practice, but don’t give that consent. 
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If my anxiety is so intense that I can’t think clearly I stay home. I’m no use to anybody in that condition anyways. But I am trying to function through as much as I can more often cause sometimes it improves my symptoms to just get out.
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