Hi. I’m new here. I just would like other people dealing with schizophrenia to talk to. I was diagnosed about a year and a half ago and have isolated myself as it’s easier than dealing with the messages I seem to get so often. I don’t want to be alone in this anymore, but when I talk to people about my delusions they think I’m crazy. I don’t want to be crazy. I want my thought processes to be understood, I want to grow beyond the craziness.
I hear voices. They mostly tell jokes. Big cosmic jokes. I’m starting to understand the humor better as I go along. I don’t want to tell my doctor how many voices I still hear, as then I’d be more medicated and I’m at a decent place and, for the most part, nothing they say is terrifying anymore. I am so lonely and want to go back to work but I don’t know if I could handle the daily rigors, or maybe I’m just imagining not being up to the task.
Lately it has been like my backyard chicken is talking to me. She wanted me to start a blog. So I did. She wants me to share it but I’m not sure I’m ready for that… I’m not sure if these thoughts come from me, or the great big universe, or if we’re one in the same. Thanks for reading
People don’t like what they don’t understand, and unless they have an open mind and like to learn, SZ simply goes where most people would rather not.
Save the Sz talking to places like here, where you have a better chance of being understood.
Keep the conversation light with the “Regular Norm’s” with topics that give them that safe, secure, fuzzy feeling like Hobbies, Family, Vacations, Food, you know, stuff of the everyday routine things that are tangible.
Where’s my manners?
Hello, and welcome to our humble little abode!
Welcome.
I was diagnosed Sza 12 years ago and can relate to the isolation, I lost some friends right off the bat due to not having a job. I’ve tried a lot of things and feel like I’ve failed at all of them. Tonight I had dinner with my father and left feeling absoulte despair inside. Nothing a few beers won’t numb, but man it certainly hasn’t gotten easier. I met a lot of people who struggled with mental illness over the last decade as it was either I was either in some program or living in some level of isolation. But having got to meet all those others I got to finally relate on some level to people with similar experiences. But it’s also made me feel like I can’t relate to “the other” or everyone else. I guess I’d say the easiest people to get to know or talk to were those who also had some kind of experience with mental illness, in the last ten years at least.
Hope you find people to relate to here. There are also places out there like drop in centers, peer support place etc.
Welcome to the forum.
I myself have joined recently, to get some perspective on some of my delusions and advice on different medications, but mostly to get out of my head. So far the people here have been friendly and supportive. I can understand the isolation part. It agonizing to feel so alone in your experience and to not be understood. I have been out of work for sometime now and I wish I could go back. Its great that you are reaching out. I hope you are able to make some connections here. I am rooting for you. 
I’m here too because I wanted to see what other sz are talking about. Whenever I’m hospitalized I get a little excited to meet other sz because I don’t think other people can really fathom what it feels like to hallucinate voices all the time. I think I haven’t talked too much about my symptoms with non-sz in real life though. Other than my sister. Normal people also treat you differently if they find out at least I think so. I can’t tell if the glares that I got when I walked around my neighborhood were directed at me or if I’m paranoid. Anyway high thechicken I hope you have a nice time here.
Hey and welcome @thechicken 
I like your username.
Your chicken is not communicating with you, be careful not to follow what you think she’s saying. It can be a danger for yourself and others if taken too far.
I would tell your pdoc about your voices, nothing wrong with upping the dose a little bit so you can become more stable.
We tend to like our illnesses, and become attached to emotionally to it, and letting go is difficult, but sanity is preferable, believe me.
Stick around, this a great place to get to know people with the same problems.
Welcome to the forum @thechicken
Welcome @thechicken.
@Minnii gives good advice. I had to keep upping my dose
Til we found the sweet spot and have been hallucination free for the past few years . It was a difficult decision to make but worth it as the quality of my life is vastly improved. @Minnii. Is right I was attached to 2 of the voices and grieved the loss of them for a while, but now I rarely think of them except in fond memory like childhood friends.
I’m still getting used to the message board format and how to reply, all that jazz. I guess I’ve grown weary as to trying out meds and dosages, I get the side effects but not really any of the benefits of being voiceless and I’ve been coming to terms with the permenancy of the situation.
As to how the voices manifest, it feels like my universal subconscious takes over things, like the chicken. And suggests ideas. When it’s powerful I like to ask questions, as I’ve been trying to look at it as though I can ask my subconscious questions and I can get replies and, although it feels as though it’s external… geepers. It sure does feel like it is outside of myself. Part of me wants to identify it as aliens. The voices all started when I started taking baths in epsom salt. Lots of baths, because they took away my chronic pain… but then the voices started and I was convinced Charlie Day and Regina Spektor were going to show up at my place, like they could hear me inside of my head lol… And I had an escapade with one of my chickens in the winter downtown, made lots of chicken crossing the road jokes. In my Jesus robe.
It feels like I’ve been every consciousness sometimes, time traveling to cross paths with myself in this dreamscape we call reality. I will discuss meds again with my provider, although I’ve developed strategies to deal with the voices that seem preferable to med side effects. I’m a mom and have to be cognizant enough to take care of the kiddos, and so it’s about finding a balance I suppose. But yea, I guess I have grown attached to the voices, they’ve become kind and are supportive of creative endeavors… and I guess I try to be supportive of theirs, if my reasoning allows… ie the chicken blog. I figured it was harmless enough, just words, and nothing too scary, so I’ll allow it. But I do, finally, have some sense of control I think. Thank you all for the well wishes, welcomings, and suggestions, I will consider what has been suggested here.
I know what you mean about being hospitalized and being around others with sz, I get excited and want to share stories and feel a sense of community while I’m there.
You’ve been dealing with this for quite some time, I’m sorry to hear that things haven’t gotten easier. At least relating to others going with the same types of issues offers some comraderie-ness
Welcome child of the moon…amongst brothers. And sisters of the same war. .come join the exclusive club…